For about three years I have taught the PIT crew and staff at Living Hope Church, a church whose senior pastor, John Bishop, is one of "my guys." (click here for their web site) Today I got a call from Jan Hall asking if she could bring me something. My wonder about what it could be was soon satisfied: John and the whole staff delighted me with the banner! My cellulitis is easing significantly, but the 2 inch diameter infected spot on my shin above my ankle is being quite stubborn! So I’m still spending much of my time in the recliner with elevated leg. That’s where I am putting Vintage Church on a 12,000 word diet. Cutting 10% out of a book is quite a challenge!
I’ve also been working on getting well in other ways. A dozen years ago I was confronted by a friend who loved me enough to call me on my pattern of overcommitment that was serious enough that I was hurting people I thought I was helping. That led to extensive and deep work with the "Gerry Group," people who helped me take out my soul and examine it carefully. That lead to substantial inner change that lowered that pattern. I deeply appreciated what these people helped me do.
More recently, I ended up hurting a close friend deeply because of the fall out of my intensity in relationship. I’m again amazed at how damaging my well intentioned things can be. This time, I’ve been working in formal counseling, as well as with close friends, to see what’s going on inside me. That process has been going on for about a year. As it comes to an end, I’m grateful for grace and growth. I surely wish the relationship could "get well."
By the power of Jesus, my growth and healing will be body, soul and spirit. However, I don’t think it’s going to be all better.
Thanks for being faithful, Randy. You do know what the counseling and growth process are like.
As for terminating, you are on the right track. Give “homework” some sort of do-able, relevant, concrete act and tell them to come back when it’s done. That gives them control but with in parameters of growth. If they want to grow, then it will work. If not, then it’s time to call it quits.
Hi Gerry,
Wow! What you talk about regarding overcommitment. When you say that I think of how unbalanced I have been in ministry and life. I would easily spend lots of time with others and got to a point where I was to spread out. I had to stop meeting with people and for some, it caused a rift when I stopped meeting with them.
So my question for you is … what is the best way to tell someone “I can’t meet with you anymore”?
Some of the people I met with were plain unfruitful times where they asked me to mentor/disciple them, but they would never do anything I suggested. I got to the point where I said “ya know, we have been meeting for 6 or 7 weeks on this same topic, but haven’t moved forward on this. You haven’t done anything I have suggested and am wondering why you still want to meet with me. So I would like you tell me when you have done what you have been told to do, at that point we can move to the next step.” Was that appropriate? Was there a better way to state it?
I am not sure if this is what you are referring to, but it brought back some memories for me. I have been involved in a lot more counseling type situations and am trying to think of being proactive. 🙂