Living Grace to the World

I am working with two gnarly church/ministry situations. One is a bitter battle between two pastors, both really good men. But there differences erupted a couple of weeks ago and I got the call. I’ve met with them and the other two pastors, who knew nothing of the dispute, amazingly. The second meeting included the four wives, which was a first for them. The wisdom of getting them involved was obvious throughout the meeting. They will tell the church about what is going on, including the lead pastor’s deep confession. I am praying that the church will rise to being trusted as the process goes on. I really believe Acts 15 is the way to do things. Everyone says their piece publicly and with the whole church hearing. It’s messy, but I actually believe it empowers the church to act in grace.

A while back (Oct. 16) I blogged on steps to reconciliation. I’ve been thinking more about it, so I want to revise what I wrote then.

1. Confession: talk about what happened, taking full responsibility for what I have done. The confession is as complete as possible. Other people will need to help the offender in getting his confession straight. When the problem involves deception, getting confirmation from other people or a polygraph may be essential. The confession cannot involve manipulative phrases like “I’m sorry” or “Please forgive me.” That comes later, but at this stage, the others are under heavy pressure to say “It’s OK.” Tiger Woods’ recent apology is an example of a good confession.

2. Compassion. the offender loves the one offended and hears his pain, sharing it as Christ does. He helps the offended one express his hurt and anger with true empathy and care. It is done without any explanations or corrections, no matter how outrageous the angry statements of the offended one may be. Like Job’s comforters, he weeps, shares the dust and agony.

3. Repentance: this is change of values, not just behavior, as we see in passages like Matt. 3:8 and Acts 26:20. For a counter example, think of Jimmy Swaggart weeping away in front of the world and then going right back to his trash. It will take time and perhaps expert help to get to the values behind the behavior.

4. Redemption: The offender comes out of the bad place. That place might be emotional, social, spiritual or physical. It may involve counselors or physicians or pastors to help with the movement.

5. Restitution: What ever was robbed from the offended is returned. It is easy if it is money. If it is honor that was taken, then honor will be returned. It may involve confession/apology to others who were impacted, clearing the name of someone who has been slandared, etc.

6. Reconciliation: clearing up the relational damage done by the sin. It takes time and experience together for this to happen. Hearts must be shared. Normal relationships with trust and openness cannot happen until this occurs.

7. Restoration: this will be through several levels with any kind of leadership occurring only after the trust has been restored. 1 Timothy 5:19-22 is a great passage. Don’t be too quick to entertain either accusation or restoration.

One must NEVER do step 6 before going through the other steps. So often the sinner is really only interested in what minimal steps need to be taken to get back into the place of leadership (see Saul in 1 Samuel 15). There is no basic change. Work through the steps deliberately and carefully.

There is a whole ‘nother blog about the steps of the offended and on forgiveness.

I’ve been reflecting on husbands and wives in light of Genesis 1 and 2. so here are three comments for reflection and interaction.

Calling

Our calling as men and husbands and fathers is to do our work to carry out our calling as image of God. The image is our amazing ability and awesome responsibility to make visible the invisible characteristics of the LORD. As men, as persons, we have the ability to reflect the very character and values of God Himself. But it is not only our abilities, our rational, moral, and creative faculties, it is our very manhood that makes us able to show the character of the Father. It is God Himself who gave us the awesome privilege and responsibility. He is the one who created, called, blessed and commanded us.

One way we can make His character known is to see the pattern of His creation. He always partners, blesses and empowers before He commands. Then He works with Adam in doing the job. When we live our lives and do our work as men, we follow that pattern with our wives and families.

Another way we image Him is when we remember that He is the relational God. He always does things in the perfect fellowship of the Trinity, each honoring and loving and supporting the other. When we do that in our families we show the LORD of glory.

Helper

To understand the word helper, look at how it is used in Exodus. 18:4 "the other was named Eliezer, for he said, ‘My father’s God was my helper; he saved me from the sword of Pharaoh.’" (cf. Deut. 33:7, 26, 29; 1 Chron. 12:1; Pss. 33:20; 70:5; 89:19; Hos. 13:9) As in most biblical uses, the helper is God. His role as helper comes from His strength and partnership. This is rather different than how we use the term in English. We speak of “mother’s little helper,” a “plumber’s helper,” being a “good helper.” The biblical use carries the connotation of strong protection, rescuer or liberator. Israel’s helper, be it God or another nation, is one who fights alongside against a common foe. David’s helpers were his mighty warriors. Even when Israel sins and looks for a helper other than the LORD, they are looking to a strong nation they could form an alliance with for aid and protection.

Rank has little to do with the meaning of helper. God, who is most often the helper, is never our subordinate though He joins in our purposes to help. David is the king over his helpers (1 Chron. 12:1). Ezekiel’s helpers were his staff (Ezek. 12:14). So reading authority relation from the word helper itself would be an error. The basic meaning come from strength and partnership in the cause, often with the helper joining in the purpose of the one helped

Naming

The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman, ‘ for she was taken out of man." (Gen 2:23). Many teachers assert confidently that Adam naming his wife shows his authority over her. Just as God naming Adam and Adam naming the animals comes out of their authority over the one named, Adam’s naming is an act of husbandly authority.

But this assertion is not correct. Naming does not always express authority or leadership. Look at the story of Hagar in Genesis 16. She runs into the desert to escape from the cruel mistreatment of Sarah. The LORD finds her, calls her, blesses her, and commands her to return. Then she gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: "You are the God who sees me," for she said, "I have now seen the One who sees me." (Gen 16:13).

Hagar has authority over the LORD? Utter nonsense. The ridiculous conclusion comes from the idea that naming in itself carries the connotation of authority. While it may come from and be an expression of authority, naming really is an expression of understanding. Hagar names the LORD because she comprehends Him.

Did Adam express authority over his wife or did he show he understood her? The only way to know is to look at the context which rests on comprehending this marvelous gift from the LORD. If there is a leadership in the husband wife relationship, it comes from another place in the passage. Naming is consistent with authority, but does not require it.