I’ve been working with some enormously difficult counseling situations this month. Of course I can’t talk about them in a blog! But a common thread among several is that they are places where relationships have failed because of the human condition called sin! Sexual sin,Â depression, overwhelming fears. The list is long.
The point that makes me pause is how powerful trust is. Sherry and I have it. So when we talk, there’s the climate of trust that makes us begin leaning toward each other, hearing statements in a presumption that she loves me and wants my best. So misunderstandings are easy to clear up because we expect good will.
In other situations, that basic trust isn’t there. So there’s a presumption that something is being hidden, that if the whole story were out, then it would be much worse. Conversational phrases are examined for hidden meanings. Sentences are parsed with suspicion, expecting to find hurtful stuff.
Building relationship when the context becomes one of distrust is a huge challenge. How do you rebuild trust? Total disclosure of course, but what of the expectation that there’s a secret that’s being kept away from sight? Full explanation of course, but that’s hard to do when the explanation is viewed as a cover up. Perhaps take a time out for pain to ease. But that also takes away the positive side of relationship. End anything that promotes the distrust, of course. But sometimes the thing that promotes the distrust is a very good and important thing. Do beneficial things, of course. Give (and give up) precious things for the sake of the relationship and let that be seen.
What a conundrum.
God is doing similar things trying to rebuild our trust in Him. And we still suspect Him.
Switching topics: David, Samantha, Nicole and Joy were here this weekend in their moving trek. David and Joy are at Tadmor, their dream coming true! Sam and Nicole will go down today after Nicole’s dance convention. Seeing David’s dream happen is wonderful.
Elizabeth Anne is doing well. They hope to end oxygen support in the next couple of weeks. Susan is back at work and Donn is working from home for a month or so.
Cyndee is all by herself at Cannon Beach now. Sherry and I will go down today to hang with her.
I teach at MissionConneXion Friday and Saturday and then head off to Spokane to teach Perspectives on the World Christian Mission in Post Falls, Tri-Cities and Spokane before coming back on Wednesday morning. Writing on the third book is an uhappy reality in my life!
Any thoughts on building trust?