Living Grace to the World

I did a lecture on “Why is the Church Responsible for so much Evil?” at Lincoln Berean Church as a part of my spiritual warfare class at Christian Leadership College. In the Q & A time following someone asked about the church affirming life rather than just opposing abortion. In my answer I noted that churches have not supported women who choose to keep their babies. Rather they look down at them and usually refuse to give them a baby shower since they are in sin. I noted with appreciation that many churches have changed and now sponsor showers for women who keep their babies and support them in the difficult task of raising the baby as a single mom.

Then in class today one of the students followed up on this. If we do such baby showers should we also go to a “wedding” or a baby shower for  a lesbian couple. As we thought through this knotty question, I realized I wanted to say both yes and no. “Yes,” because I want a chance to keep relationships where I can speak graciously about Jesus to the couple, but “no” because it would seem I am supporting the rightness of a lesbian family.

She asked where the difference is between a shower for a baby conceived out of wedlock and the lesbian. As I thought I realized that I want to throw the baby shower when the woman has owned that the way the baby was conceived was sinful. I don’t need any groveling or anything like that. But I would have a lot more problem supporting a shower if she refused to acknowledge her sin, if she said “It’s my right to have a baby in any way I want.” In the case of the lesbian wedding or shower that would be the case: “We are doing the right thing for us,” they would say.

I thought further: would Jesus go? He did hang out with prostitutes and tax collectors for sure. But did He affirm their activities? I don’t think so.

Then I compared: would I go to a party for a heterosexual couple celebrating that they were moving in together? Having a baby together? That’s where I realized the issue isn’t the homosexuality, but that they are thumbing their nose at the biblical view of marriage. That I can’t honor. In fact I would more likely to affirm a homosexual couple getting “married.” At least they are expressing commitment in their relationship where the cohabiting couple are denying that.

I wonder if there is a parallel in the situation of 1 Cor. 10:27-28 where Paul tells us to eat whatever is served at a supper, but to refuse if the host said it was offered in sacrifice to idols. The reason is both for the sake of the pagan and for his conscience.

What of love? We are certainly called to love sinners. But love seeks the best of another. Affirming a sinful life isn’t really love.

So I think I’d keep relationship with a lesbian couple, but would not go to the wedding. I’d baby sit their kid, but probably not go to the shower. The difference is that a public act states affirmation where the private act speaks personal support.

So far this is all hypothetical. But I can’t imagine it will be for long.

I am working with two gnarly church/ministry situations. One is a bitter battle between two pastors, both really good men. But there differences erupted a couple of weeks ago and I got the call. I’ve met with them and the other two pastors, who knew nothing of the dispute, amazingly. The second meeting included the four wives, which was a first for them. The wisdom of getting them involved was obvious throughout the meeting. They will tell the church about what is going on, including the lead pastor’s deep confession. I am praying that the church will rise to being trusted as the process goes on. I really believe Acts 15 is the way to do things. Everyone says their piece publicly and with the whole church hearing. It’s messy, but I actually believe it empowers the church to act in grace.

A while back (Oct. 16) I blogged on steps to reconciliation. I’ve been thinking more about it, so I want to revise what I wrote then.

1. Confession: talk about what happened, taking full responsibility for what I have done. The confession is as complete as possible. Other people will need to help the offender in getting his confession straight. When the problem involves deception, getting confirmation from other people or a polygraph may be essential. The confession cannot involve manipulative phrases like “I’m sorry” or “Please forgive me.” That comes later, but at this stage, the others are under heavy pressure to say “It’s OK.” Tiger Woods’ recent apology is an example of a good confession.

2. Compassion. the offender loves the one offended and hears his pain, sharing it as Christ does. He helps the offended one express his hurt and anger with true empathy and care. It is done without any explanations or corrections, no matter how outrageous the angry statements of the offended one may be. Like Job’s comforters, he weeps, shares the dust and agony.

3. Repentance: this is change of values, not just behavior, as we see in passages like Matt. 3:8 and Acts 26:20. For a counter example, think of Jimmy Swaggart weeping away in front of the world and then going right back to his trash. It will take time and perhaps expert help to get to the values behind the behavior.

4. Redemption: The offender comes out of the bad place. That place might be emotional, social, spiritual or physical. It may involve counselors or physicians or pastors to help with the movement.

5. Restitution: What ever was robbed from the offended is returned. It is easy if it is money. If it is honor that was taken, then honor will be returned. It may involve confession/apology to others who were impacted, clearing the name of someone who has been slandared, etc.

6. Reconciliation: clearing up the relational damage done by the sin. It takes time and experience together for this to happen. Hearts must be shared. Normal relationships with trust and openness cannot happen until this occurs.

7. Restoration: this will be through several levels with any kind of leadership occurring only after the trust has been restored. 1 Timothy 5:19-22 is a great passage. Don’t be too quick to entertain either accusation or restoration.

One must NEVER do step 6 before going through the other steps. So often the sinner is really only interested in what minimal steps need to be taken to get back into the place of leadership (see Saul in 1 Samuel 15). There is no basic change. Work through the steps deliberately and carefully.

There is a whole ‘nother blog about the steps of the offended and on forgiveness.

I’ve been reflecting on husbands and wives in light of Genesis 1 and 2. so here are three comments for reflection and interaction.

Calling

Our calling as men and husbands and fathers is to do our work to carry out our calling as image of God. The image is our amazing ability and awesome responsibility to make visible the invisible characteristics of the LORD. As men, as persons, we have the ability to reflect the very character and values of God Himself. But it is not only our abilities, our rational, moral, and creative faculties, it is our very manhood that makes us able to show the character of the Father. It is God Himself who gave us the awesome privilege and responsibility. He is the one who created, called, blessed and commanded us.

One way we can make His character known is to see the pattern of His creation. He always partners, blesses and empowers before He commands. Then He works with Adam in doing the job. When we live our lives and do our work as men, we follow that pattern with our wives and families.

Another way we image Him is when we remember that He is the relational God. He always does things in the perfect fellowship of the Trinity, each honoring and loving and supporting the other. When we do that in our families we show the LORD of glory.

Helper

To understand the word helper, look at how it is used in Exodus. 18:4 "the other was named Eliezer, for he said, ‘My father’s God was my helper; he saved me from the sword of Pharaoh.’" (cf. Deut. 33:7, 26, 29; 1 Chron. 12:1; Pss. 33:20; 70:5; 89:19; Hos. 13:9) As in most biblical uses, the helper is God. His role as helper comes from His strength and partnership. This is rather different than how we use the term in English. We speak of “mother’s little helper,” a “plumber’s helper,” being a “good helper.” The biblical use carries the connotation of strong protection, rescuer or liberator. Israel’s helper, be it God or another nation, is one who fights alongside against a common foe. David’s helpers were his mighty warriors. Even when Israel sins and looks for a helper other than the LORD, they are looking to a strong nation they could form an alliance with for aid and protection.

Rank has little to do with the meaning of helper. God, who is most often the helper, is never our subordinate though He joins in our purposes to help. David is the king over his helpers (1 Chron. 12:1). Ezekiel’s helpers were his staff (Ezek. 12:14). So reading authority relation from the word helper itself would be an error. The basic meaning come from strength and partnership in the cause, often with the helper joining in the purpose of the one helped

Naming

The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman, ‘ for she was taken out of man." (Gen 2:23). Many teachers assert confidently that Adam naming his wife shows his authority over her. Just as God naming Adam and Adam naming the animals comes out of their authority over the one named, Adam’s naming is an act of husbandly authority.

But this assertion is not correct. Naming does not always express authority or leadership. Look at the story of Hagar in Genesis 16. She runs into the desert to escape from the cruel mistreatment of Sarah. The LORD finds her, calls her, blesses her, and commands her to return. Then she gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: "You are the God who sees me," for she said, "I have now seen the One who sees me." (Gen 16:13).

Hagar has authority over the LORD? Utter nonsense. The ridiculous conclusion comes from the idea that naming in itself carries the connotation of authority. While it may come from and be an expression of authority, naming really is an expression of understanding. Hagar names the LORD because she comprehends Him.

Did Adam express authority over his wife or did he show he understood her? The only way to know is to look at the context which rests on comprehending this marvelous gift from the LORD. If there is a leadership in the husband wife relationship, it comes from another place in the passage. Naming is consistent with authority, but does not require it.

The Haiti pictures are so awful. Destruction everywhere. The odd thing is that this has hit the rich areas as hard as the poor areas. But with the poverty of the whole country the resources are non-existent. So the world will come to help. Christian relief will be there quickly since there is already a lot of mercy work going on.

Here is a note from one of my students about his brother. I found myself picturing what it would have been like to be in their place:

We wanted to send a quick update to friends and family about my brother Joel and his wife Rachel. Some of you may know that they have been living in Haiti since September working with Mennonite Central Committee. They were in Port-au-prince during the earthquake on Tuesday. We got word early in the morning after the quake that they were ok. They were able to call us from the US embassy. The details are sketchy at this point, but we do know that they were in their apartment when the quake hit (they live on the 5th story of a big complex) and the entire building collapsed to the ground. Somehow they survived and crawled out of the rubble during the night and made it to the embassy. Joel had a gash in his head and they both had scrapes and cuts, but it sounds like they are doing ok and were able to connect with some co-workers today. They are trying to find a way out of the country, but we don’t know when this will be possible.

Of course my theologian mind asks, “Where is God in this?” I find the NIV translation of Romans 8:28 correct: “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.” God works in contexts like the Haitian earthquake to do His good work. But as I see it, the evil is not His working, Others agree with the NASB translation of Romans 8:28: :We know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God,” This reading is that in an ultimate sense the earthquake is caused by God for His good purposes.

Which ever is the case, may the LORD grant mercy to the people of Haiti as He empowers His people to express their love concretely.

BLOG UPDATE: I just saw the Op-Ed piece in the New York Times entitled “Haiti’s Angry God.” It’s here. The author concludes, “Why, then, turn to a God who seems to be absent at best and vindictive at worst? Haitians don’t have other options. The country has a long legacy of repression and exploitation; international peacekeepers come and go; the earth no longer provides food; jobs almost don’t exist. Perhaps a God who hides is better than nothing.” I pray that the LORD will be very present through the concreteness of His church. It’s just so overwhelming to get help there in time for all the needs.

Bruce & Cindy McMartin, friends and a Western alum, play a big part in ABC News video report here. Pat Robertson talks about a pact with the devil, but when I watch this report of spontaneous worship the YHWH, I find tears coming. It’s just astounding and somehow comforting that these people are so worshipful in the midst of tragedy. Watcht this

I’m in a season of working in reconciliation. I’ve done that for a long time, but it seems to be even more so right now. It’s in marriages, families, and churches. The work is really hard because the hurt and pain is very personal so the emotions are very high. Flight or fight, avoidance or anger are the responses in places of pain. Both ruin relationships. But while the avoidance and anger are present, there is hope. It’s when apathy comes that hope dies.

When there is sustained relational pain, Mary wants Bill (generic names) not just to know, but also to feel, how much she hurts. When Bill believes that Mary is intentional in hurting him, his anger gets savage. It can get overwhelming really fast.

The strategy I follow is to get each to speak their pain, preferably with full emotion, and the other to listen and reflect back. When people feel heard, a major goal is accomplished. The problem is that the second person often listens with denial or even disdain as the first is expressing pain. “It wasn’t like that at all,” is the internal response.

But things get to going well when Bill moves from what’s wrong with Mary to beginning to look at what he has done to damage the relationship. Then Mary feels safer to confess some of her own damaging things. When there’s no safety, Mary’s confession becomes fodder for Bill’s accusations. Mary isn’t about to make herself even more vulnerable in such a situation.

Things begin to go well when Mary begins to express concern for Bill’s pain and Bill can receive that comfort without going into self-protect mode. Then he can reciprocate, feeling safe that she won’t take advantage of his openness to demand more.

One thing I’ve discovered is that people don’t recognize the terrific pain that disrespect or sarcasm cause.  Our culture has lots of stories of the damage anger causes. But there are virtually none for the pain of disrespect. I’m trying to figure some out.

Of course all this is a strange task for me since I have my own failed relationships where there is nothing I can do to promote reconciliation. That is a great sadness, one where much prayer and doing nothing active is the best thing to do, hard as that is. So strange.

On a different note, I have been trying to evict squirrels from my Mt. Tabor house. I blogged my Thanksgiving fall. My still sore leg reminds me to be careful. Yesterday I surveyed the tiny niche beside the chimney where sparrows renew their annual nest. I love the sound of sparrow babies cheeping as parents come with food. Unfortunately, what I saw was the new squirrel chewed entrance to the attic. My ladder wasn’t long enough for safe climbing, so I called my friend Will. He closed up the niche with metal flashing. So neither sparrows nor squirrels have a place. Evil ruins good things.

I am praying for lots of things: reconciliations, Davis house, Christians in Egypt, finances for non-profits, wisdom for leaders, . . .

I’m in 29 Palms CA doing ministry here with Emile (and Rhonda and Gabriella) Moured. He’s a chaplain, alum, and friend serving the Marine base here. They head off for deployment in SE Asia January 4 so he’ll be away from family for 6 months. They’ll have Skype while he’s in Okinawa, but little contact while out on ship. Quite a challenge when you have a very cute 2 year old daughter. As you can imagine, I’m enjoying playing with her too!

The Marine culture is something I know nothing about, so it’s a good cultural experience for me. What I do appreciate is the commitment of the men and families I’ve met. They are totally committed to the LORD and serving him in their lives as Marines. I’m sure that’s not all that’s here in the chapel, but there are a lot of them. I got to explore an M1 Tank with a gung ho driver and then go to the weapons training area and learn about things from 9 millimeter pistols to 50 caliber machine guns. The computer simulation with air powered weapons was quite authentic!

I spent Friday talking with Denise, an old friend from Pasadena days. We went up the Palm Springs Tram to the snow zone. She brought an 11 year old from England. His dad is gone, his Mom didn’t want him, so he’s with his grandmother who has taken him in but isn’t really keen on this. The good thing is that she has him in a Catholic school. As we talked about Jesus, he said he’d prayed the sinner’s prayer. I asked if he meant it. He said he did. I asked what it meant for him to be connected to Jesus. He said He is the one who does not leave him. Quite a heart wrenching story.

Sherry was not totally pleased when when she asked me to take a picture of Sherry Atkins and I took her picture instead!

I find myself increasingly frustrated with the “normal” gospel presentation. It goes something like this: You are a sinner (and I’ll prove it to you), headed to hell. God loves you and Jesus died for you. If you believe in Him, you’ll go to heaven when you die.

Those points are true of course. But they are so incredibly inadequate. There is no basis for living the Christlike life, for example. The result is that people are soon dragged into some sort of duty based moralism: You must obey God’s law to please Him. Get to it! They are often reminded that their hearts are desperately wicked (Jer. 17:9) so the Christlike life is something they won’t like. It’s so sad.

The real Gospel that makes the difference. Here’s how we put it in Vintage Church:

The gospel pattern of Acts 2, as well as of other Scriptures, breaks down into three aspects: (1) Revelation, or what God did; (2) Response, or what we do; and (3) Results, or what God gives. [This outline is from Steve Walker, Redeemer's, Roseburg]

Revelation: What God Did

Peter begins by affirming that Jesus fulfills the promises of a divine Messiah, God come among us as accredited him by miracles, signs, and wonders (v. 22). Next, Peter declares that Jesus died on the cross according to God’s prophetic purpose (v. 23). Peter proceeds to emphasize the reality that God raised Jesus from death in fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy (vv. 24–32). Peter concludes with the final acts of God exalting Jesus to the right hand of the Father and pouring out the Spirit in fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy (vv. 33–35).

Response: What We Do

The first thing we are to do in response to God’s revelation is repent (vv. 36–37). Repentance is the Spirit-empowered acknowledgement of sin that results in a change of mind about who/what is God in my life, what is important, and what is good and bad. This is followed by a change of behavior flowing out of an internal change of values. The second response is to accept the revealed message about Jesus by Spirit-empowered faith (v. 41). Faith means taking God at his word and trusting my life and eternity to the truth of his revelation. All of this is seen in the act of baptism which is the visible expression of our connection with the death and resurrection of Jesus through repentance and faith (vv. 38, 41).

Results: What God Gives

Peter immediately announces the gift of forgiveness of our sins, which is the result of the propitiatory death of Jesus (v. 38). This gift flows into justification, or the imputed righteousness of Jesus. Peter goes on to the second gift, the Holy Spirit and the new heart and new life of Christ (v. 38). This is regeneration, or the imparted righteousness of Jesus, is for living a new life as a Christian with, like, for, to, and by the living Jesus. The third gift is membership in the body of Christ, the new community of the Spirit called the church. This community is a supernatural community where God’s power is seen from miracles and supernatural signs to the sharing of possessions among the community members and giving to all in need (vv. 41–47).

One happy outcome is that it includes resurrection and regeneration means a new heart and the indwelling Holy Spirit. So our deepest desire is to do the Jesus things. And following that desire leads to great happiness and joy.

I teach this version of the Gospel all the time. I was pleased when Tim, a good friend and pastor who just presented this lesson in China. He found great interest in the people there and one man responded by giving his life to Christ. What a happy result!

I just got back from Evangelical Theological Society meetings in New Orleans. Where I used to go to listen to papers so I could be stimulated by new ideas  and fresh perspectives, I now go for meetings – both committees and with friends.

I’m on the Executive Committee, so Tuesday (which began at 4 am for the 6 am flight) began meeting with the Sheraton staff (excellent!) followed by our four hour dinner/deliberations. They were pretty tame by prior years, I’m glad to say. No heresies, or protests. Only issues of transition to Mike Thigpen as executive director. By 10 pm, I was very done.

Wednesday started with our Evangelicals and Gender (I’m co-chair) study group breakfast with Steve Tracy and Cindy Westphall. Mimi Haddad, head of Christians for Bible Equality, missed the email with time and location. It’s as much fun as business, especially hearing Steve’s updates on his work with the sex abuse horrors in Congo and his daughter Abby’s work with street orphans in Kampala. They are totally go for it people. Steve and I had coffee later and heard more. When you spend time ministering to women who have been gang raped as a form of terrorism and equipping pastors to lead their congregations when it is their wives who and daughters are being terrorized, the issues at ETS aren’t quite so pressing.

I did my paper asking “Did the Father pour out wrath on the Son?” to a responsive group of people. It will be on ongoing conversation and I’ll blog things here.

The hour long meeting with Allan Fisher and Lydia Brownback of Crossway was fun. They are a great team. Doctrine will come out at the end of March. (Amazon pre-pub note here) so we talked about that along with a future possibility of a fifth book by Mark and me on the Holy Spirit. No specifics yet as Mark is doing other projects.

Sam Kunhiyop, alum and director of graduate programs at South African Theological Seminary, walked into the French Quarter. Someone gave us directions to THE place which I couldn’t find, so we went to an “ordinary” place. I saw someone I knew there who had been directed to this place as THE place in the French Quarter. It was certainly good. Sam told me of astonishing growth in Christianity in his home country of Nigeria. Mostly we talked of his African Theology book project.  He did his plenary address to the society that evening.

  I had supper with Gregg Allison, breakfast with the Program Units Committee, moderated the Evangelicals and Gender session, did a lunch engagement with the Kern Family Foundations, heard two good plenary speakers. At least I thought so. The fellow behind me didn’t, I guess. His head went back, mouth opened and snores erupted. I had to take his picture!

After the plenary I had a meeting with a group who are empower ministry to Muslims. I particularly enjoyed hearing the stories of two Muslim background believers who were there. One fellow who ministers in Dallas explained that he got his accent “east of Texas” . . .  7000 miles east in Baghdad!

The banquet was spent talking about theology and spiritual formation in Augustine with David Alexander, son of Ralph and Myrna who are most recently ministry partners with me in Odessa, Ukraine. It was super to catch up with them too.

Bruce Ware did the presidential address. I was very pleased as he spoke of Christ the Man. His point that Jesus lives a human life under the leading and empowerment of the Holy Spirit could have been from my notes! My way of putting it is that Jesus lives as a fully Spirit filled human. The point is that what He did in His life we can do too. That includes spiritual power and holiness. More to say there too.

Friday started with Program Units Chairs breakfast, another group I chair. There were many questions. MANY questions. Then on to the second session of Evangelicals and Gender with Bruce Ware arguing that the Son is in eternal submission to the authority of the Father followed by Allan Myatt of Gordon Conwell arguing against. The frustrating thing for me was that the “Yeah, Bruce” folk were at the first and the “Yeah Allan” were at the second. There were no conversations between them.

That ended ETS, so John Johnson and I went to Cafe du Monde (story here). in the French Quarter between the New Orleans Cathedral and the Mississippi. It’s actually below the Mississippi which is a bit oppressive after Katrina. weird! It is a special restaurant dating from Civil War days. It was packed (as always) with a jazz band playing on the sidewalk. The server appeared to be about 80 and I had to listen very carefully to decipher her strong New Orleans accent. But the choice is pretty simple. All they serve is Beignets (explanation here). Calling it a French donut simply doesn’t explain at all. I transgressed and got my coffee black instead of au lait. We wandered through the Quarter listening to jazz and seeing the sights until time to take a taxi to the airport to come home.

Sherry and I did our annual football weekend in Kansas City. It used to be a guys weekend, but since Elizabeth came along, Sherry has horned in on the fun. Two years ago Susan had just learned why she was so sick: she was 39 weeks pregnant! A week later, during a routine sonogram, they discovered severe fetal distress so they performed an emergency C-Section only to have Elizabeth aspirate myconium. After three days of wondering if she would live and a month in NICU, she came home.

Now she’s a very normal, totally cute two year old. This picture is as we took her to Toys R Us to pick out her very own baby doll for her second birthday present. She also found a hula hoop and it delighted her, as you can see. Hannah, their German exchange student, also had fun in the store, but no presents. There are more pictures here.

Donn is a faithful Chiefs fan which you have to be this year. They are such a bad team that the Washington coach was demoted when they lost to the Chiefs! Rain was predicted for the game with San Diego, so we took poncho’s. Sure enough SD was romping and stomping as the first sprinkles started toward the end of the first half. The second half opened with a very well executed KC touchdown. But hope was soon dashed with a dumb interception. The rain was pretty steady, and Donn decided it was time for Jack’s Stack ribs!

Cyndee has been up from Cannon Beach, actually taking some vacation. As I went to get her from LeAnn’s place to join us for Halloween weekend, I stopped by friendship park and remembered. So much has changed but the memories are very real. Unfortunately, we had only a tick or treater’s. Our one block dead end street doesn’t draw like our Mt. Tabor neighborhood.

Sunday was preaching Genesis one at FBC Eugene. I presented the interpretation that Moses is describing the preparation of the land, Eden, Israel for human habitation in 6 literal 24 hour days after a beginning in which He created the sun, moon, stars, plants, and animals other than humans. But that will be another post.