Sherry’s 1993 Geo Metro blew its second head gasket as she was coming home from her Saturday haircut. Fortunately she was only a mile away from home, so she was able to drive it home. I was tied up in Troutdale at an elders’ retreat (why do they call a day long elders’ meeting a retreat??). I would have left, of course, but didn’t have to. Even if the Geo could be repaired for a reasonable price, the car is done, since Sherry can’t trust it. So what to do? Our normal way is for our friend, Peter Dodd, to find cars. But he’s in Taiwan. So we ended up going to Gresham Toyota. The 2003 Olds Alero made her smile. So now we own it. It’s ten years newer and has 100,000 fewer miles.

The experience made me think of trust. I trust Peter deeply. I know he cares a lot about us. He’s competent in mechanics and shopping. He smiles when he’s doing it. But we can’t wait until he gets here at the end of June. Neither Sherry nor I like car shopping at all. If we take time to shop, in my compulsive way, we’d have to invest a lot of time, rent a car, and that’s an expensive process too. So we decided to trust a Christian car dealer. That dealership asked me to do a Q & A time with their staff after the Passion of the Christ came out. Today, the salesman and I talked aobut the movie as we tested the vehicle. I’m a little nervous about it all, but there is a need to trust, even when there’s not really adequate basis for it.

Trust is one of those things that are hard to deal with. I don’t trust anyone 100%, not even God. It’s not that He’s not trustworthy, but there’s so much of Him I don’t understand. I trust Sherry as much as one can trust another human. She’ll never intentionally hurt me, but she makes mistakes and forgets sometimes. I have friends who touch my soul, to whom I constantly entrust my life, my fears, my hopes, my fragile joys. But what of a friend whom I’ve hurt deeply who can’t even talk to me? There was only intent to build, but the hurt is still there. The fallout has hurt others. Confession and repentance is past tense, but reconciliation is not even on the horizon. What does trust look like? Me trusting time and God’s work? My friend risking to come? Unknown. So prayer, waiting, and consistent repentance. And I sadly wait.

I’m at work on a major crisis situation where I’ve been investing for several months now. It should resolve tomorrow. Trust when I can’t control things is hard. But when I see the results of patient investment come to fruition, I’m glad. There’s a major intervention in the near future which will be as tough as I’ve ever done. I need to process these and other things with someone other than God, but that can’t happen now. One day.

So my goal is to be as totally trustworthy as I possibly can be. But that means saying, “No” to people in advance, which is so difficult when those people are ones who need help so deeply, ones who may well not get help if I don’t. It means keeping margin so stress doesn’t cause my intensity to blow people out. So I pray for courage and wisdom and trust.

The Vintage Jesus book signing party is history. Al Fisher, Michele Bennet and James Kinnard welcomed me with warm smiles. We walked into the conference room and I got my first look at copies of the book. . . . a LOT of them.

Can you imagine autographing 1200 books? What do you write? Name of course. How legible must I be? What else should I write? Is it worth the hand wear? Which page do I sign? Which pen is best? How much can I talk and still get it right?

My name got pretty scrawly. The Matt. 1:21-23 stayed readable, but I tried to write March more than once. Fortunately, I was there a little more than an hour before Mark arrived. Since he only signed his name above mine, I needed the head start. It took only six and one half hours!

Crossway president, Lane Dennis joined us for an hour or so at lunch. I paused signing for ten minutes to eat my lunch sandwich. There was also the frenzied five minutes to rescue books when I knocked over my coffee cup! Lane gave us a sneak preview of the forthcoming ESV Study Bible. The Bible itself has about three quarter million words. The Study Bible notes, representing outstanding scholarship, will exceed that by 50%. But its graphic layout with color maps and charts that made my eyes pop out.

We also saw the drawings for Death by Love, our second book, pastoral letters applying atonement themes to real life stories. Their power moved me to amazed silence. This outstanding book will be out about October 1.

The trip got a rough start. I knew about the snow in Chicago. Happily, the web reported flight status “on time.” I got to the airport, watched the aircraft arrive on time, only to hear mention of a delay as boarding time approached. Then they announced a four hour delay! I called Michele. “It’s bad,” she said. “Cancel the rental car. We’ll send a limo.” That offended my plebeian nature, but pleased the part of me that values my intact skin. Then she called back: no limo’s available. Then they announced a six hour delay. That made the crew “illegal,” since they can only work so many hours. Then it was a firm five hour delay. Still an illegal crew, which made the flight unlikely. As I processed all that, they suddenly announced immediate departure. So we hustled on the plane for a great flight. So many people had already re-booked, most of us had a whole row to stretch out in. My nap felt good.

Shortly after I arrived, Al Fisher took me upstairs to his office. He brought the one copy of the book with its white dust jacket (you have to see it to appreciate how attractive it is). After some explaining of things, he turned to the back flap with Mark’s picture and bio. Only Mark’s. Al was really embarrassed. I found myself thinking it feels right. Part of my self identity refuses prominence. It just seems wrong to ride in a limo, stay in a upscale motel room, or fly first class. I “acquired” that copy of the book and asked Mark to autograph in it. It is a treasure.

Now I’m home, waiting to “kidnap” Sherry for her birthday. Shhhhh. It’s a total suprise for her!

When we saw the email from Donn with this tag line, we wondered why he was doing it. We’d seen the picture of Elizabeth Anne with her great grandparents in Iowa (on the left). She was so full of smiles we could do nothing but smile back. But the “naked baby” picture (on the right) made the smiles all the larger! Naked baby didn’t mean no clothes, but no oxygen tubes! She’s completely off now. No tubes, no tanks. As she comes into her third month, she’s doing super well. Donn and Elizabeth will join Sherry in Phoenix on the weekend of February 22 for a time with her family before her Mom leaves for Arkansas. I have to say I really miss being with the little girl.

Last week was missions teaching week. I did two sessions (What if I run into a demon and Do I have to believe in Jesus to go to heaven?) at Missions Connexion Northwest. Both were well attended, doubling and tripling the chairs. fortunately it was in the unfinished lower floor at Rolling Hills so overflow was no problem. Hearing was! Then I did five Perspectives on World Christian Mission in Post Falls, Richland, Spokane, Boring and Milwaukie. Those along with the weekend class, Interfacing Science and Theology, preaching at Grace, having Nicole and Joy here while David and Sam went to Blue Man Group, and many hours spent in my current crisis, made it an extremely busy week.

One of the ladies from Sherry’s Bible study group discovered she has a very nasty form of cancer, peritoneal cancer. It’s been fascinating to see Sherry’s pastoral gifts coming out as she lead the group in praying for Janet, joining the church prayer group on Sunday between services, then going to minister to her and her husband in the hospital after Monday’s surgery and now leading the Bible study group again. I am super proud of my pretty wife. Her birthday is February 3.

Thursday I leave for Chicago to spend Friday signing 1250 copies of Vintage Jesus (see the website here). It still seems ostentatious to do this. That 1250 pre pub books sold in 10 days still boggles my mind! Maybe spending 6 hours of steady signing is the penalty for being slow in writing on book three! Happily, I’ll get to spend Thursday evening with Linda Cheng, an alum from Taiwan who is doing her second doctorate in psychology at Wheaton. I taught at her seminary. Being with her will bring back many memories of happy times in Taichung, times I sincerely pray will happen again sometime.

I am done with being sixty as of yesterday. Being on Facebook meant a lot more birthday greetings from around the world, especially Lebanon. Birthdays are for the little boy. I wish it could be celebrated properly. Some day. Melissa had cake in the faculty lounge with candles that wouldn’t blow out. I wasn’t doing well, having spent the previous 5 hours investing in a deep crisis situation. I spent 6 hours from 3 to 10 teaching, which is a great thing to do on my birthday. Ray Lubeck brought his class into mine to sing happy birthday. Tamara brought another cake!

There’s so much good, God stuff going on.

I’ll be preaching on Luke 6:12-26 at Grace on Jan. 27. So I’ve been thinking about happiness, the word we usually translate as “blessed.” I did some research to see what people think will make them happy. The self-help people find happiness inside. So if slim down, bulk up, do some therapy, treat yourself to some new things, and such. The problem is that it doesn’t work. In fact, it seems that people who focus on themselves are among the unhappiest people. They seem ever more dissatisfied with everything.

On the other hand, the science of happiness has turned up some not so amazing results: Happiness is correlated with autonomy (feeling that your activities are self-chosen and self-endorsed), competence (feeling that you are effective in your activities), relatedness (feeling a sense of closeness with others) and self-esteem.

Gratitude has a lot to do with life satisfaction, psychologists say. Talking and writing about what they’re grateful for amplifies adults’ happiness, new studies show. Other researchers have found that learning to savor even small pleasures has the same effect. And forgiveness is the trait most strongly linked to happiness, says University of Michigan psychologist Christopher Peterson. “It’s the queen of all virtues, and probably the hardest to come by,” he adds.

The single most impacting factor is the quantity and quality of relationships. The happiest people spend the least time alone. They pursue personal growth and intimacy; they judge themselves by their own yardsticks, never against what others do or have. Those relationships are places where giving becomes central. So simple living is positive and commercialism and materialism is toxic to happiness. A good declaration would be ‘more fun, less stuff.’ Give it away for the fun of it! 

If you want a really intriguing exploration, have a look at University of Leicester Produces the first ever World Map of Happiness. #1 is Denmark, #23 is USA, #62 is France, #82 is China, #125 is India, #167 Russia, and #177 and 178 are Zimbabwe and Burundi at the bottom.

In my case, happiness has been eroded by getting schedule mixed up so instead of teaching my first Perspectives on the world Christian Movement, I’m at home. It is actually next Thursday. The problem is that Sherry had bought me tickets to RiverDance to celebrate my birthday for next Thursday. So now I have to see what we can do to change tickets.

Sigh.

I’ve been working with some enormously difficult counseling situations this month. Of course I can’t talk about them in a blog! But a common thread among several is that they are places where relationships have failed because of the human condition called sin! Sexual sin, depression, overwhelming fears. The list is long.

The point that makes me pause is how powerful trust is. Sherry and I have it. So when we talk, there’s the climate of trust that makes us begin leaning toward each other, hearing statements in a presumption that she loves me and wants my best. So misunderstandings are easy to clear up because we expect good will.

In other situations, that basic trust isn’t there. So there’s a presumption that something is being hidden, that if the whole story were out, then it would be much worse. Conversational phrases are examined for hidden meanings. Sentences are parsed with suspicion, expecting to find hurtful stuff.

Building relationship when the context becomes one of distrust is a huge challenge. How do you rebuild trust? Total disclosure of course, but what of the expectation that there’s a secret that’s being kept away from sight? Full explanation of course, but that’s hard to do when the explanation is viewed as a cover up. Perhaps take a time out for pain to ease. But that also takes away the positive side of relationship. End anything that promotes the distrust, of course. But sometimes the thing that promotes the distrust is a very good and important thing. Do beneficial things, of course. Give (and give up) precious things for the sake of the relationship and let that be seen.

What a conundrum.

God is doing similar things trying to rebuild our trust in Him. And we still suspect Him.

Switching topics: David, Samantha, Nicole and Joy were here this weekend in their moving trek. David and Joy are at Tadmor, their dream coming true! Sam and Nicole will go down today after Nicole’s dance convention. Seeing David’s dream happen is wonderful.

Elizabeth Anne is doing well. They hope to end oxygen support in the next couple of weeks. Susan is back at work and Donn is working from home for a month or so.

Cyndee is all by herself at Cannon Beach now. Sherry and I will go down today to hang with her.

I teach at MissionConneXion Friday and Saturday and then head off to Spokane to teach Perspectives on the World Christian Mission in Post Falls, Tri-Cities and Spokane before coming back on Wednesday morning. Writing on the third book is an uhappy reality in my life!

Any thoughts on building trust?

The assassination of Benazir Bhutto hit me harder than I would have expected. One thing was that I happened to look at Yahoo! news just as it happened, so I watched the story develop. That’s an impact of the “web” side of the internet to get caught up in the stort as its immediacy makes it more dramatic. In the “old days” I wouldn’t have heard until the 5:00 news. Now things are posted for the world to see instantly.

The drama of the shots, explosions, mangled bodies, crying men, people trying to get control of the scene are gripping. One of the best portrayals is the photo essay by John Moore. You can see it here. It makes the destructive impact the event, the contrast of the beauty of Bhutto and the ugliness of the murder, so real.

But a bottom line is the power of  something small and evil to destroy.  Without making commentary on the merits of Bhutto’s politics, her return was the result of years of preparation and a large investment of work with the idea of moving Pakistan to a more stable, more democratic nation. A few cunning people were able to destroy all that work in a brief work of violence.  Their act moved the whole nation to chaos, something that serves only the interests of evil.

I work with people who have been impacted by evil. Most of what I see are products of sustained evil such as cult abuse, spiritual abuse, sustained sin within a family system and such. But I also see the outcome of such acts as the Bhutto assassination where one act destroys years of construction. A visit to a gullible counselor confirms the fears of a spouse and trust in a marriage is blown out. A moment of inattention leads to a crashed automobile and terrible injuries. Words spoken in anger elicit an angry response and a pastor’s ministry is destroyed, a growing church shaken. The examples multiply in this broken world. It’s hard to maintain hope and courage to keep building when the force of chaos ruins years of work in a moment.

But I also get to see the power of life, the soft warm reality of light that overcomes darkness. In the phrasing of the King James, “where sin abounded, grace did much more abound” (Romans 5:20). Occasionally the miracle happens and the change is dramatic. More often it’s quiet, persistence that makes the difference. And there’s a lot of energy required behind the grace. It exhaused Jesus.

Which is more “news worthy” – the slow patient crafting of a beautiful vase or the hammer blow that shatters it? The  extended investment of courtship leading to engagement, marriage and family, or the screaming fury of torture. As for me, I want to have the wise eyes to delight in the process, the courage to add my effort to the building, the courage of Job who after everything was pointlessly destroyed in chapters 1 and 2, went on living in chapter 42.

courage. hope.

Jesus

December 15 is our 40th anniversary . . .  of our first meeting. We like celebrating events and this was a major shaping! I knew Mr. Hartzell had hired my replacement as his bookkeeper. He wanted to ease the transition as I graduated from college and headed off to be a math teacher somewhere. That day I walked into my work area and this cute girl was sitting at my desk. She remembers that I flirted with her. That could well be. I do know I asked her out a week later. Our first “hot date was seeing “Jungle Book” together. And the rest followed very naturally.

We celebrated the 40th in part with me working on my Luke 1 sermon for Grace, with her replacing the alternator in her Geo (really romantic!) and then with us going with Sherry Atkins to Living Hope Church to see their “Word on the Street,” a contemporary telling of the Joseph and Mary story. This was the first of something like 15 services through Friday. At least seven people stood for prayer and then headed off to meet with Pastor Rick and the connection time to work out their commitment to follow Jesus. After supper, we relaxed at home. We nostalgicly remembered celebrating our 30th at Ruth’s Chris Steak House in Taichung, Taiwan with Peter & Debbie Dodd and their newly born Elizabeth.  This time a History Channel retrospective on 1968 reminded us what a cataclysmic year we picked for our wedding.

Ruth Palnick, a 25 year friend who identifies herself as “Chaplain-HymnSinger,” was recently enjoying the hospitality that has characterized our home over the years. As we were taking our breakfast in the kitchen, she wondered, “Where are all the men?” I laughingly spread my arms, “Here I am!” She immediately shot back, “You are so taken!” She’s right. One woman has captured all the romance in my life. Very good thing.

 Oh, Yes. Our Elizabeth continues to do well, though she had a 12 hour re-admission to Children’s Mercy Hospital Wednesday night after an episode of difficulty in breathing. It was only a “normal” congestion. But with her history, they were very careful.

We are still marveling at the wonder of Elizabeth Anne. 48 hours with her was wonderful. We did our best to spoil her with being held in those brief hours. It was strange to see her get her doses of Methdone. That connotes drug addiction rather than helping her end the effects of her morphine sedation so she’d not fight the respirator that saved her life. She’s a pretty calm little girl considering the drama of her entrance into the world. You can see in the left hand picture that she’s already learned the Hawaiian “shaka” sign in attitude as well as in gesture. She thought Susan and Cyndee decision to footprint her an occasion for a big yawn.

Samantha called from Cannon Beach as we left on Sunday night to tell us that high winds had blown out the electric service at the Conference Center from 11:00 to 5:30. The “Called to Be Handicapped” conference was going on with 22 seriously handicapped people in the final session on the second floor of Pacific View Lodge. Problem: No electricity means no elevators. Samantha’s crew were able to take the lunch upstairs but still no electricity. No matter how powered the wheel chair, it won’t go down stairs! So what to do? Well, you call the fire department! Problem solved. But the electricity went off again later in the evening and it’s still off. They don’t expect to have service for a couple of weeks. There has been no telephone and no cell phone service. Land line service came back up tonight (Wednesday), but unless you hav an old rotary dial phone, you can’t use it without electricity. One of the elders at Grace owns a major cell tower construction business. They’ve not been able to get to the beach to do repairs because of highways closed with fallen trees and landslides.  There’s a very dramatic picture of the I-5 closure at Chehalis here.

 The up side is that David, Cyndee and Joy spent an extra night here since there was no way to get to Cannon Beach. If the CBCC Christmas Conference is cancelled, they may head off to their 2 1/2 week trip to theme parks in Southern California a few days early.

I hope your house is dry, and your joy is full as we move into Advent.

We arrived at Elizabeth’s house (well, Donn and Susan’s too) about 4:30 and it was JUST IN TIME. We walked in the door with Donn asking if we could watch Elizabeth while they got lessons in caring for her oxygen equipment. There could be no better greeting! Cyndee got the first turn with me just a bit later with Joy dancing around all the time. Sherry did her grandmother thing too. So I won’t have to go to jail after all! They say there’s an ice storm coming tomorrow, so it’s particularly good that she’s here.

As I write this, Susan and Donn are upstairs doing a feeding and we are enjoying them via the monitor. It’s amazing how intelligent adults change when there’s a new born around. Elizabeth still has oxygen, a monitor that beeps when her heart beat and respiration. But after nearly dying twice and spending a month in the hospital, her cries and even the wails of her monitor are exciting. And you should see what her little smiles do to us!

 Joy did her first airplane ride followed by her first bus ride. She was totally thrilled with every bit of it. With her very own MP3 player, puzzle books and the Southwest Airlines snacks, along with a Daddy, Aunt Cyndee and two Grandparents, how could she have been happier? She’s been dancing around the house since she was refreshed by food. We did Jack’s Stack, the most famous of the Kansas City style B-B-Que places.

May your joy be as full as ours!

It seems a real threat that I’m going to be in jail in just a few days. The charge, you ask? Kidnapping, of course. The latest word is that Elizabeth will still be in the hospital until Sunday or Monday. Since David, Cyndee, Joy (5) will join Sherry and me for the weekend there, I have to have her nearby. So I won’t kidnap her far, nor will there be any ransom demands. I just will walk her out the door to Donn’s house, holding her a lot! She’s completely free of lines other than her oxygen assist, eating heartily, but still unable to take and retain enough food by mouth to sustain herself. So she needs some tube feeding, Donn says. But as you can see from the picture, she delights her great aunt. You can also verify that she’s unconnected other than the oxygen and a couple of monitors. And she’s REALLY cute!

I’m super glad technology that I can get e-pictures from Donn and post them on the website for you to enjoy. I think how recently doing pictures involved rolls of film, developing, posting and such. I am on Facebook with many of my friends residing in places like Lebanon or Tunisia. I can exchange pictures, status reports, greetings and information, sharing it with many other friends living all over the world. E-cards enable me to give quick, cute, inspirational greetings with people. It’s amazing how billions of emails, e-pictures, e-cards arrive instantly in destinations all over the world. The down side, of course, is when an e-card doesn’t get there. Usually one doesn’t even know it didn’t arrive unless there’s mention of it in a comment. Then a replacement card is very precious, but doesn’t quite make up for the disappointment that the intended greeting didn’t arrive.

I’m preaching on Luke 1 on December 16. Imagine with me what’s involved in doing that whole chapter in a single 30 minute sermon. Getting a totally overwhelmed screen? So am I! Do I do a big picture sermon? Do I focus in on one element of the story? If so, which one? The familiar annunciation? The prophetic song of Zechariah? Help!!

Happy Advent Season!