Friday, May 1, 2009

Conference day started with breakfast at Jason and Krista. Yesterday Elizabeth, 6, had been the delicate princess, doing ballet to sleeping beauty in her princess dress and veil on her headband. Today she was quite entranced as she sang with Maria in Sound of Music. She had eaten her breakfast already, delighting in the flavored instant oatmeal we had brought for her. Amazing what things one craves when you live in a foreign country.

Sherry, Krista and I rode with Eva in her minivan. I was in the back with Brandon, Eva’s nine month old in the seat between me and Eva. Brandon didn’t like the arrangement at all and let us know it. Distressed babies touch me deeply of course. Sherry and I both tried to comfort him, but seeing us just reminded him of who he wasn’t seeing! So I hid behind the headrest until he finally went to sleep.

We circled Pudong, the east side of Shanghai, headed toward Jiaxing, southwest of Shanghai. We never really got away from endless apartment buildings. The Shanghai region has some 30 million people and they take up a lot of space, both wide and high. It seems the totem bird of the city is the construction crane. Their wings are spread over buildings and freeways everywhere. The global downturn in Shanghai means only 9% growth this year. But we past pockets of the old China, in decrepit row houses scattered among piles of debris with vegetables growing in well tended patches of ground.

I was surprised at the relative lack of traffic on the freeway. They explained that Shanghai tries to limit automobiles by making both the car and the licenses expensive (did I understand $5000 for a license right??), and then giving licenses out in a lottery system. That doesn’t stop traffic jams of course. Construction and unpredictable drivers are universal. We saw a bus that had pushed a semi up against the concrete barrier. The passengers from the bus were getting onto another. The passengers in the semi were sitting it out quite unhappily: they were huge pigs.

We were ushered into the Parkyard Hotel, a very nice five star hotel in the commercial district of Jiaxing, next door to a very large stadium built for the Olympics. Company logos were on many of the high rise buildings in the area separated by wide streets with beautiful gardened medians. We had our lunch in a private dining room off the main lobby, five of us attended by two very observant servers. Supper was from a very well stocked buffet with tables spread around the balcony of the lobby looking out the multi-storied windows.

We celebrated May Day, the fourth of July type celebration in the communist world, in this rather ornate atmosphere. What made it even more ironic is that this fancy place is very near the place where Chinese communism was founded by Mao and his workers.

I laughed that we all wore our Vintage Jesus T-shirts and name badges and did our Bible study together all just down the street from park commemorating the birth of Chinese communism. Despite their attempts to stamp out religion, the study was animated and the questions went on well into the night

Saturday, May 2, 2009

We finally got to our room to find that the temperature was at 27 centigrade, which is way warm for Portlanders. Of course a five star hotel has a rather complicated electronic temperature control. After a few minutes of messing with it (why isn’t there just a dial??), I finally got the setting reduced to 20. But I didn’t feel any change. I tried several things. No change. So we slept anyway. I mentioned this only to discover that everyone had the same problem. It turns out that by law the hotel is not yet allowed to turn on their air-conditioning in the rooms. I wondered why the heat still had to be on. So we opened the window instead.

I restarted my computer for the morning session and went to do something. When I came back, the screen was still dark. Hmmm?? So I did a hard power down, which I hate to do, and restarted. I got some odd message about windows not starting, would I like to have it attempt repairs. NOT what I wanted to see. Of course I said yes and watched it think. And think. And think. The singing started . . . still thinking. I began to think back up plans. Finally after a restore and a restart, it decided to go. I was GREATLY relieved. I depend so heavily on my computer. If it were to tank, I could still do my thing, but it would be a major hindrance.

After the session, I was in a discussion group of men after my morning session when one of the men came and got Jason for something. After a few minutes, Jason came back to fetch me. The general manager of the Parkyard hotels was in the building. Would I greet him?

There’s a story behind this. The retreat committee had leased a retreat center from a large company for 600 RMB, about $100 US, per person. But as they saw conference materials, they began asking questions, perhaps under government pressure. Are you doing religious activities? That is not permitted except in religious buildings. If you are religious, you can’t rent our center. With “Vintage Jesus” as the theme, it was hard to say we are doing religious activity! Normally it wouldn’t matter too much, but there is a push back on activities, akin to that before the Olympics, with the International Exposition coming to Shanghai next year.

So there was no place for the retreat. Friendships were explored and the Christian owner and Christian general manager of the Parkland allowed us to use their very nice hotel at the same price we would have paid for the much more prosaic retreat center. One night in the hotel would cost as much as the three day, two night retreat – and they threw in all our meals!

We were very grateful.

Tony Azaias greeted us very warmly, shrugging off our expressions of gratitude. I presented him a copy of the book and Jason gave him his own Vintage Jesus T-shirt and name badge. I realized my cultural gaffe when he reached into his jacket pocket to give me his business card. Mine were upstairs in my fanny pack. I received his card with two hands and a bow (I didn’t forget everything!), apologizing for forgetting card. Later we saw him doing his business in his T-shirt!

We gathered the group for our picture. Almost everyone had their Vintage Jesus shirts. It made me laugh. I’m quite sure no one at Crossway thought about this eventuality! Wait till they see the picture.

Sherry decided to go see the silk museum while I worked in the room. Unfortunately it was closed, but the taxi driver took them to a very nice park. As they were leaving, Sherry saw a picturesque bridge. She got out of the taxi and as she started to take the picture, her foot hit something.

Face plant!  

No warning, no chance to brace herself. Just face first into the dirt. Stunned, she laid there for a moment. She realized there was pain in her mouth. As she raised her head, blood dripped. The others were there quickly, very concerned. Turned out she’d split the inside of her chin, scraped the outside, bloodied her nose, but no other injuries. Camera and glasses survived. When she walked into the room, she was still shaky. I wanted to help, but there was nothing to do. She was glad to lay down and put a wash cloth filled with ice on it. We were very grateful that there was no damage. She was able to enjoy the sit down Chinese feast. She even stayed for evening session, though not the discussion time after.

As I came back up to the room, a group of Chinese people were getting on the elevator, carrying some boxes of stuff. They greeted me and I did the best I could back. They were talking animatedly about something as the door began to close. A boy stopped it and then let it go. The lady was yelling. I wondered what it was. Suddenly I realized she was yelling at me. But I had no idea what she wanted. I felt the moment of total loss.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Every meal was a Q & A time. They had many, many questions. The final session was on the spirit world. I wondered what the response would be. The traditional Chinese religions were as  powerfully suppressed as the Christians during the cultural revolution. Buddhist temples were destroyed, the priests imprisoned or killed. People had to worship Mao only. But such things die hard. Would the people have remnants? They are English speakers and many are internationals, but not all. As I worked through passages on the other gods and asked questions, I found a lot of interest. The session that was to finish at 11:15 went until almost 11:30 because I couldn’t get them to stop asking. Angelia and Andrea told Sherry later that what I’d explained gave them categories for some strange experiences they’d had. Others told me that for the first time they had tools to deal with stuff.

The end of the conference was a baptism of four children. Hearing their testimonies and seeing Jason baptize them in their Vintage Jesus T-shirts was a kick!

I felt good though unfinished as we finished the conference. There were so many loose ends. I felt drained from all the talking. This is when it’s clear that I’m not a very good extrovert. So the ride home was long, and longer yet with heavy traffic with so many coming back into the city after the holiday weekend. I did enjoy seeing another district of Shanghai.

I also felt a little strange leaving internet connection. It’s odd that in a very high tech area of a high tech city I don’t have internet access. We’d thought we could use Jason’s connection. But alas, he’d lost his password for the wireless router.

Angelia, Andrea, and Molly came by to fetch Sherry along for some dinner, shopping, and a lot of giggling. They are well experienced and knew where to go and how to bargain. Sherry got some really cute things for the grandgirls and some marvelous shawls. She came home happy and laughing even through it was late. The ladies said they like my wife!

I went to the goodbye party for Matt & Rene. They were headed back to the US with mixed feelings after three years here. They’ll not miss being stared at as they walk on the street. But they will miss the close fellowship of the Thanksgiving English Fellowship community. They wondered what their friendships would after three years of apartness and deep changes. It was a little like us when we came back from the Philippines. We never did get the old friendships restarted.

Today was tourist day. Jason came by to take me to the street vendor area to buy breakfast burritos. It was a couple behind a cart with a frying surface a little like a Mongolian Grill cooker. They did remarkable teamwork. As he spread the batter, she cracked and egg and threw it onto the surface. As he spread it, she tossed on some greens, he began to loosen it from the cooking surface, folding it a couple of times. As she put some sauce on it, he put a deep fried crispy, completed the folding, hit it with a knife and it was done, all in a minute perhaps. While they do their complex dance, you put your 2.50 RMB (about 35 cents) into the money box, making your own change if necessary. They do this steadily for three or four hours to serve their customers.

After breakfast we went to the SMIC (Semiconductor Manufacturing International Corporation) plant to meet with Richard Chang, the founder and CEO. He was with Texas Instruments for a couple of decades and decided to start this company in order to take advantage of an opportunity to do ministry in China. He’s a strong Christian who wants to do good for people, but also to use his company as a chance to promote Christianity. He has built huge modern plants, family friendly housing areas, schools, rec centers, all of top quality with low prices. He hires highly qualified Christians who want to see the Word change people in key roles. Most of the operators for the extremely high tech machines are young women from rural areas who otherwise would be in grinding poverty or prostitution. Part of his building plan is a large Three Self(government approved) church with Evangelical pastors and an English service, which is the group I’m working with. The government is completely aware of what he’s doing, but trust him deeply that he’s doing nothing to harm China.

Richard was to meet with me immediately after the quarterly stock holder’s meeting. No stress!! I asked Jason what the protocol was for the meeting. He didn’t know. So I autographed a Vintage Jesus book to give Richard, half expecting we would have a three minute polite introduction time. It turned into almost an hour of Richard telling us stories of how Christianity is pervading some of the highest levels of the Chinese government officials. They can’t be repeated openly, of course. One was a Catholic seminary that was demolished, and the property confiscated, during the cultural revolution. The Christians there politely inquired from time to time about getting it back. No chance. Someone heard about Richard and sent him a letter. He talked to a highly placed Christian who said something to someone. In a while he got another letter. Seems they returned the property, rebuilt the building, installed sewers and such. Now there’s an active fellowship, all provided by the government. Friendship and trust at work.

I was still marveling with the stories of Richard as we went to Matthew’s office. He’s the vice president of corporate relations. Turns out he was a very highly placed Washington D.C. attorney who became the China connector, arranging for visits of top politicians to and from China. He knows everyone and has been everywhere! As we got to talking about things, he pointed out that close to 90% of Chinese have a positive view of the American people, but know little about their own country since most don’t travel out of their immediate area. I was fascinated by his vision of what could happen with American – Chinese relationships if there were more open contact.

Since we are not staying at a hotel, we had to register at the local police station. Jason told us of a bad experience in the past with a police officer yelling at people. That raised some significant stress in me as a person who just wants to stay legal and avoid all conflict with local authorities. We got there before the translator arrived, but decided to get started. I fidgeted as I listened to two men on the other side of the entry way in a shouting match with two officers. We slid the papers and passports into the lady and she passed back more forms. She had some English and a helpful spirit. In about fifteen minutes, before the translator was able to arrive, all was done and we walked away with the official papers. It’s possible that the presence of a very cute six year old Elizabeth helped!

We headed down to the subway to go to Pudong, on the east side of the Huangpu River which bisects the city to see the Shanghai World Financial Center, the building with the notch at the top. Details here. It is the latest entry in the competition for the highest building in the world. Finished about nine months ago, it has the world’s highest roof, highest occupied floor, and the world’s highest public observation deck at 474.2 m (1,556 ft). The records will last until late 2009, when Burj Dubai will break the height record other than highest pubic observation deck. But construction has already begun on Pudong’s higher reply. The amazing thing is that this skyline amazing collection of skyscrapers has all been built in the past decade. If you compare this picture with the one two posts ago you’ll see that in the two year old picture, the Financial Center building isn’t there.

The view from the walkway at the top of the notch, looking down onto all Shanghai, was spectacular. So was the Coldstone ice cream.

Krista came down to join us for dinner in a very American mall. We ate in an Italian restaurant overlooking the river. The striking things was the background music: Classic rock like Hey Jude, Sounds of Silence. We laughed and watched as the buildings lighted up and dirty cargo ships competed for space on the river with the beautifully decorated dinner yachts.

24 hours of travel from Portland to Pudong will never be anything but long! I had looked at the seat map for our San Francisco to Shanghai leg to discover that the map had changed completely. Our treasured double window/aisle seat at the rear of the 747 wasn’t there. Imagining sitting in an inside seat so Sherry could have her aisle seat for 13 hours brought cold sweat. Walking out to the gate, I scanned curiously to see what aircraft they’d changed to. My heart sang when I saw the 747 sitting there. Sliding into the window seat with room between it and the aircraft wall felt so comforting. Now I could grade my papers and even stretch without worrying about colliding with another human.

We went down the Burger King to get some lunch before boarding. Sherry went to hold our table in the crowded eating area and got to talking to a woman sitting at the next table. When I got there, we realized that we knew each other! They’d been students in a class quite a while back. They are Assembly of God missionaries who are so migratory that they have no home. They simply travel the world teaching and consulting. It didn’t sound attractive to either Sherry or me!

I often imagine stories about people around me. I dubbed the fellow ahead of Sherry as the “worried man.” The concentration folds above his nose were constant and deep as he considered how to stow his things. Even when they were all satisfactory, the worry lines were still there. I imagined he was one of the coaches for the Chinese athletic team having so much light hearted fun in their bright red and white sweat suits. I imagined they were returning home in happy triumph while their coach was worried about all the other things. The fatigue of worry meant that as soon as possible he pushed his seat all the way back robbing Sherry of the bit of room ahead of her. He seemed to be constantly moving, even when he was asleep.

Half way through the flight the attendant was bringing canisters of hot water back to “cook” our Top Ramen style noodle snack. As she came by the worried man, he swung into the aisle, tripping her so she spilled hot water on her leg. She stared incredulously at him, getting no reply. She returned in a bit with more hot water. Apparently she spilled some on him stimulating a very strong reaction. She kindly got him some napkins to sop up the water. Fortunately, that was the end of things and the feud didn’t come our way.

Arrival meant the long lines through immigration and then the question of whether we’d have to answer questions about the 40 copies of Vintage Jesus. The open “nothing to declare” line was a relief and soon Jason was greeting us happily and we were on the way to the SMIC complex.

We are trying to get used to our nice three bedroom, two bath apartment. It is a little strange padding around in someone else’s apartment trying to find things and figure things out. Some of his stuff is here and there but out of the way, so it’s no problem. But what’s the wooden piece of furniture near the front door? It looks a little dresser drawers, but it’s too skinny. Investigation shows that it’s a place to store shoes. Of course one does not wear shoes in the house. That would be a little like dumping sewage on the floor.

The beds are Chinese style, which means that it’s extremely firm, a little like a blanket on the floor. But fatigue helps!

Sherry and I are sitting in the San Francisco airport, waiting for departure time. Anticipating a 13 hour flight isn’t a good thing, I have to say! I booked the back of the 747 where the aisle seats are two up, giving me my window and Sherry her aisle. But the seat map showed a very different arrangement this morning. So I assume a change of aircraft. But now I’m looking at a 747 at the gate we are departing from. So I’m very hoping! Sitting in a middle seat for the flight would put a serious damper in my demeanor. I could even get grumpy!

There is a certain unease in my thinking. It seems that conference plans haven’t gone according to as initial planning. The enrollment was anticipated at something like 200. It is at 89 for the final count. The place was a retreat center but apparently government pressure forced the center to cancel. Now we are in a hotel, a nice one, Jason says. But it will be a very different feel. The topics were selected for an initial audience of college students but this is SAT/GRE weekend, so they are all away. I’m very flexible of course, but there are outlines in a booklet so that locks things in. I suspect it will all work well, but the changes leave me wondering.

The stresses of the last week were substantial: finals, graduation banquet, commencement, preaching on marriage at Grace (a demanding sermon!), Andy and Anne’s wedding rehearsal and wedding. Oh yeah: packing and details of the trip. I always feel like I have to work to sleep six hours. The last few days I didn’t make it. Last night it was probably three hours. But our big suitcases both weighed in at 49 pounds. the little one of books was only 40.

Big prayer item is that we can just walk through customs. I don’t want to have to explain 40 copies of Vintage Jesus to Chinese authorities!

Connection means getting a text from Denise Bice, a long time friend, saying her mother just passed away. So I called her and we talked a bit. Had the text come a couple of hours later, it would have been two weeks before we got the news.

Next stop, Pudong!

There was an email from Jamie, my pastor’s wife, in my in box when I got up this morning. It said Jay’s brother in law died of a massive heart attack last night. He left to be with his family in their time of grieving.

That changed the tenor of my early morning Resurrection meditation. I sent a message to them, saying I would be the “pressure valve” if Jay found preaching too much in the fatigue of grief and lack of sleep.

John 20 and Luke 24, the story of discovery by John, Mary Magdalene, and the disciples, drew my attention. The women were the first to go to the tomb, their love showing in a very personal way: they went very early in the morning, while it was still dark, to anoint his body with burial spices. Perhaps they knew that Joseph and Nicodemus had begun the work (Matt. 27:61; John 19:40). Perhaps they just wanted to make their own contribution to the one they loved so much, the one who had driven seven demons out of Mary (Luke 8:2-3). She had already courageously stood with Him at the cross.

John focuses on Mary while the other writers put her in a group of women. Perhaps it’s because he was with her at the cross (John 19:25-26). He’d seen her faith and love personally.

Seeing the stone rolled back surprised her. Luke tells us angels were inside the tomb, telling the women that Jesus was alive. The Apostles, men of great faith (!!), refused to believe their nonsense. But they sprint to the tomb to check out the report, Peter leading the way. John passes the older man, and arrives at the tomb first. Peter, breathing hard, rushes past him inside the tomb.

There are grave clothes, laying inside. Grave robbers stealing the body would have taken the clothes or thrown them aside. The “napkin,” the strip of cloth around His head, was still rolled up. There is no chaos, no confusion. Where was Jesus’ body? It is like His body has simply disappeared, the clothing falling down. It is not at all like when Yoda died in the Star Wars movie. His body just disappeared at the instant of death.They had seen His tortured body in all its bloody reality. John tells us John believed. There’s a strange silence about Peter’s faith.

Mary’s tears will not stop. According to Luke, angels had told her Jesus was risen. Why the tears? Perhaps the agony of incredulous faith still emerging from despair and loss. Angels ask her about her tears. She still doesn’t know where the body is.  Then she senses someone behind her. Turning, she sees a man. Her tears blur her eyes. The gardener? He also asks about her tears and more: “Who are you looking for?” She is thinking back to the empty tomb. He directs her forward to a living person.

Other religions celebrate the tombs of their founders. The Christians didn’t give a whit about where He was buried. That came much later as the church got into paganism with its shrines and relics.

When Mary hears Jesus say her name, she immediately recognizes her Lord. Her joy is enormous. Her greeting very personal: it’s not just “Teacher” but “My teacher.”

Some think Jesus’ words, “don’t hold onto me,” meant not to touch Him at all. But He invites Thomas to do so. Some, follow Bultmann, suggesting there is no body to touch, a ridiculous idea for a buried man. They had taken his battered body from the cross to the tomb.

Realizing it was Jesus before her, I suspect she falls at His feet and He lifts her up. I’d like to think she embraces Him. He responds with a gentle, “Don’t cling to me.” Though He is reassuringly, personally, physically  real, that will not last. He will soon ascend to the Father and the relationship will change. Not that it becomes unreal, but it will be completely different. It will no longer be a physical presence, but a presence mediated by the living Spirit.

Neither she nor we can embrace the reality of the garden.

So we live in faith, seeing the power of Jesus in forgiveness, the cleansing of shame. We see Him when demons leave people. We see Him when the little boy goes to Jesus with the little girl. We see Him when He frees from the legal demands of law.

But we don’t see Him. People still look for Him in the terror of the night, in the loneliness of loss. in the pain of brokenness. We pray, “Thy kingdom come, Even so Lord come quickly.

John believed quickly. Mary’s faith emerged, sealed with loving presence. Peter’s took longer but led to restoration. Thomas needed to see the holes, but when he did, it was unwavering faith that went all the way to India.

Like the disciples, like Mary, we cry, “I don’t get you, LORD.” It’s a good starting point.

I continue to be intrigued with this story. but I get really frustrated with those who build on the difference between agapao (supposedly divine unconditional love) and phileo (friendship, warm feeling love) in Peter’s restoration story in John 21. So it goes, "Peter do you love me with a divine love? "Yes, Lord, I love you with a friend love." “"Feed [take to pasture] my lambs." “The second time it goes, "Peter do you love me with a divine love? "Yes, Lord, I love you with a friend love." [same question and response]. “"Take care of [assume total guardianship of a shepherd] my sheep." [a higher level of care] Then the third goes, “Do you love me with a friend love?” “Lord, you know I friend love you.” "Feed [take to pasture] my lambs." 

Trying to make sense of this wording difference by assuming significance to the changes from divine love to friend love, feed to pasture, and lambs to sheep quickly gets weighed down with difficulty. For example in the first question, In effect, Jesus asks Peter, “Do you possess a profound love for me?” and Peter responds, “Yes Lord, I am fond of you.” Peter should answer Jesus question about divine love with a “No” not a yes. In effect, Jesus accepts Peter’s lie.

It’s way better to realize that John, ever the Hebrew poet, loves to play with words. As we see in the Psalms, Hebrew poets love synonymous parallelism, saying the same thing with different words.

It is also true that agapao, supposedly divine love is used for Demas’ love for the world that causes him to desert Paul (2 Tim. 4:10). Hardly godlike! On the other hand, phileo is used of the Father’s eternal love for the Son in John 5:20. The semantic domain of two words have overlaps significantly. Ditto for feed/tend and sheep/lambs.

Here’s how the story goes, I think. Peter, who repented deeply of his terrible sin of denying Jesus (Matt. 26:75), immediately (Matt 28:10) went to Galilee to be where Jesus told the disciples He would meet them. What do you do while you wait for Jesus to show up? You could play video games or sip a latte. But Peter suggests going fishing. It’s not to go desert discipleship and go back to his old profession. It’s to fill moments with a an activity that will ease the excited pressures of waiting. As soon as Peter realized the man on the shore is Jesus, he cannot wait a second: he throws himself in the water to get to Jesus. Hardly the act of a deserter!

Then the point of the passage is that Jesus, standing down wind from a charcoal fire, the same kind of fire as Peter was warming his hands over as he denied Jesus, probes Peter. “Do you love me?” Peter quickly says yes. Jesus tells him to be the pastor. Again. The third time, Peter is hurt. “Jesus, you know I love you. Why do you keep asking? Do you doubt me?” Jesus’ third command to do the pastor work overcomes the triple denial. “Peter, you are my man. I don’t care what your failure. That’s done. Your love is what counts. Pastor My flock.”

It’s an incredible act of grace.

I love seeing Peter restored. I’d like to see all Peter’s restored. Grace is such a powerful thing. But it’s not infallible. Sometimes the hurt is too great. So sadness and loss is extended. It is so hard when there’s nothing one can do to help. So the agonizing emptiness of loss goes on. Will there ever be a time of eating fish at the charcoal fire?

Sherry and I celebrated our 41st anniversary yesterday. It began with me letting her sleep in. Very good thing! I have this hugely powerful rule inside me: “Thou shalt not wake a sleeping woman” that goes back to pre-verbal times. But this went even beyond that. It made our hugs and kisses greeting even warmer :).

Church was good. Jay preached and when he spoke of Christians needing to grow up, he used a photoshopped picture of a cute baby sitting down with my head on top. It’s shown up from time to time and never fails to get a laugh. My love for babies is very well known because of my use of grandgirl pictures. This one of Elizabeth shows why!

After a good nap time, I took Sherry on the surprise adventure. We got in the car, headed west on Burnside to a destination unknown to her. As we got closer to the US Bank building, she suspected the Portland City Grill on the 30th floor of the building. That was right and good.

The view looking to the South and East was exquisite. Showers and sun were playing with each other. Patterns formed in the Willamette River between the I-5 and Hawthorne bridges. The tiny fruit fly on the window dropped by from time to time, serving as a QC inspector. He was quite satisfied. Peking Duck and Chinese buns were perfect both in preparation and connection to our love for Taiwan and anticipation of our upcoming trip to Shanghai. The salads (with chilled forks) and entree were set off by the hearts on the table and the welcome card signed by the restaurant staff. Even though we were quite satisfied, the celebratory dessert was outstanding, especially set off by the perfect coffee (one day Sherry will learn to like fine coffee!).

Midway through dinner, motion outside caught my attention. It was a large hawk swooping. As I watched he swirled around, up and down, beautiful in the bright afternoon. I pointed him out to Sherry, but he was behind and she couldn’t see him. After a bit, he responded to my request and flew right in front of the window so Sherry could join in the LORD’s wonderful exclamation point on an outstanding date day.

We tried to remember previous anniversaries. Our fifth was in our first year at seminary. We probably couldn’t even afford McDonalds! Our tenth was at Fuller but not memorable. Our fifteenth was a trip to the Oregon coast. Our twentieth was spent apart. I was teaching at Ecola Hall and Sherry was working. It was super special because Cyndee and Debbie arranged for 10 roses to be delivered to each of us! Twenty fifth was celebrated two years late with our Alaska trip. A highlight was the visit to Glacier Bay with many connections. Our thirtieth was therefore 2 years early with our trip to Israel. Our fortieth was nearly a week at Depoe Bay and the post is on this blog! I highly recommend multiplying anniversaries, especially with total trust and deep love.

Makiya continues about the same. I was teaching at our Sacramento site last week, so I haven’t been down to see her yet. I’ll update her status when I can.

I’m putting a journaling page on the blog (see it to the right). It will be some posts of just stuff so closer friends can know what I’m thinking and doing.

Enjoy Jesus!

I had the privilege of entering into a prayer battle this afternoon. At the suggestion of McKenzie Tompkins, I went to visit Makiya Van Buren and her parents, Dan and La Donna. Makiya was born with a large hole in her diaphragm so her stomach, intestines and such pushed into her chest, interfering with her heart and lungs. The doctors predicted death within an hour but the prophetic word LaDonna had been given that Makiya would be healed prevailed.

Makiya is now six months old. She’s in Pediatric Intensive Care Unit at Emanuel Children’s Hospital. Neither her lungs nor the blood vessels serving them have developed as they should. LaDonna has found that there are some powerful atheists on the medical staff who remind her that she has the right to pull Makiya’s ventilator and let her “go in peace.” But watching this beautiful little girl do pretty normal six month old things before she slid off to the peaceful sleep in this picture made fighting the prayer battle for healing and life a privilege.

Another of their children had six strokes in his upper brain also lead to a “he’s going to die or be a vegetable” prognosis. Prayers lead to him waking up fully alert and the life of a very normal, healthy boy. His brain is completely free of all marks of the strokes in his brain.

Join with me in praying for Makiya’s healing, for courage and peace for Dan and LaDonna. We talked about Revelation 12:11 “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.” They want His testimony to be powerful in the whole situation.

I thought of other prayer battles I’d been in, as I drove through the gorge headed for the CBNW meetings (see below). There was the fight with the spirit of death above the needles, praise prayers at Multnomah Falls, the deep cleansing prayers above Bonneville Dam with the children delighting in butterflies and tiny waterfalls. There were strong battles after The Passion of the Christ and the ones where the affirmations of what Abba did according to Colossians 2:13-15 lead to great victory. There were far too many to count, events of the soul too personal to recount here.

An up coming event is the ‘Nightline’ Face-Off: Does Satan Exist?. (link here). Deepak Chopra and Bishop Carlton Pearson will argue he does not. Mark Driscoll, my co-author, pastor of Mars Hill Church and Annie Lobert, founder of “Hookers for Jesus” will argue he does and that he’s impacted their lives. The debate will be Friday March 20. The “Nightline Face-Off” will be televised on Thursday, March 26, 2009, on ABCNews.com and at 11:35 p.m. on “Nightline”.

I wonder if the devil will tune in?

Sadness is because of a loss or separation. It’s a painful thing to lose someone or something that you care about. Sadness is associated with feelings of loss, loneliness, disappointment or especially with helplessness. It is the feeling when you’ve lost something important or when something bad happens to me or to someone else, something like illness or accident. There is nothing that can be done to restore the relationship or heal the wound.

When sad, people often become quiet, less energetic, and withdrawn. It can be a short term down or a persistent and intense lowered mood when the pain that brought the sadness doesn’t go away.

Sometimes it is hard to think straight because you cannot get your mind off your loss. Sometimes when your mood is sad, you just feel like being alone for a little while. Or you might want someone to comfort you or just keep you company while you go through the sad feeling.

Sadness is something that happens often in Bible. One example is Psalm 31:

9 Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. 

10 My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak. 

11 Because of all my enemies, I am the utter contempt of my neighbors; I am a dread to my friends– those who see me on the street flee from me. 

12 I am forgotten by them as though I were dead; I have become like broken pottery. 

13 For I hear the slander of many; there is terror on every side; they conspire against me and plot to take my life. 

14 But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, “You are my God.”

The best thing is sharing the innermost soul with my friend, with whom I can talk without editing. When that’s not possible, I may deal with sadness by puttering, doing very routine things, like washing the stove top or folding clothes. I may look at interestingness images on Flickr.com. Sitting quietly with Sherry is always good. There is the walk to the top of Mt. Tabor or silent prayer. These have happened many times since the great sadness of two years ago and so many times before and since as I join in the suffering of hurting people.

When is the sadness going to end? Never, I think. Not so long as Jesus is in heaven and I am here. What happens until then? Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

There is much comforting to do, but only as as comforted from the LORD.

Leading workshops at the Multnomah Mission Conference is a great experience I enjoy a lot. I have done several on themes around “what if I run into a demon?” It struck a chord because this year’s had about 160 participants! My Thursday session was on the theme “Does God want me to suffer?” I didn’t expect many to show since it’s a downer and also the last day has a lot less attendance. But 75 or so showed up and they were eager to wrestle.

The question comes from passages like this:

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 35 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.
(Mar 8:34-35 NIV)

It surely seems that deny self and taking a cross would hurt! And losing life is an outcome. Many have taken this in a sort of masochistic way: I need to choose to suffer so God will know my devotion. That sort of thing is common in paganism, of course. Christians pick it up, too, particularly in Catholic circles with the emphasis on penitence. I know good people who deliberately choose unhappiness thinking that will please God, proving they love Him. I know I was raised that way. It’s still hard for me to do things that bring only me pleasure. Like buying a tin of Altoids was very difficult. Weird when I think back.

On another level, I hear godly people say they never say they don’t want to do something because they are sure God will make them do it. Margaret Clarkson’s “So Send I You” was deemed the greatest missionary song of the twentieth century. Verses one and four are:

So send I you to labor unrewarded,
To serve unpaided, unloved, unsought, unknown,
To bear rebuke, to suffer scorn and scoffing-
So send I you to toil for me alone.

So send I you to leave your life’s ambition,
To die to dear desire, self-will resign,
To labor long, and love where men revile you-
So send I you to love your life in Mine.

Kind of a bleak picture, but what is the “ideal” Christian life. I also remember that I was disappointed when I got to the mission field and discovered that while it was hard in a lot of ways, I’d never done anything that was more fulfilling!

As I think of suffering, my theologian brain finds it helpful to categorize. Not all suffering is the same. God does want some, but not all suffering

(1) illness. It seems that this is not what God wants for us. the only time we see God moving illness is in judgment on sin.

(2) sinned against: I just got an email from a student asking me to help her in response to being raped. Long story, but I have to say I can’t believe God wanted that for her. Sin is against God’s will, though not out of His control or something that derails His plan.

(3) Persecution: God doesn’t particularly want us to be persecuted, but He does want us to be faithful to Jesus and that may well get us persecuted. In the US, we don’t get much outright persecution for being a Christian (though Christians get it for being jerks!). We sometimes get snickered at, slandered and passed by because we must be bigots. 1 Peter, our next series at Grace, has a lot to say about people who were having a hard time staying faithful because they were suffering so much.

(4) Joining others in their suffering: This one is God’s will for us. He definitely wants us to be like Jesus, leaving our place of comfort to join others in their suffering. While people can get overboard on this, most are way under committed on this. I just preached the last message in our Isaiah series. self centered life of Judah is what makes God so angry.

So does God want us to suffer? In some ways, yes. What of Mark 8? Deny self? That’s what Isaiah was saying: the life that’s satisfied with personal spiritual growth is a life of sin. It will neither succeed nor lead to fulfillment. Take the Cross? That means identifying with Jesus. Revelation 12:11 puts it very well: “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.”

I know in my own life, the greatest joy and greatest pain comes in joining with Jesus in the sufferings of people, especially the widow and orphan people Isaiah speaks of. They are the forgotten ones, the powerless ones, the ones Jesus lifted up. There’s lots of sadness there. But there is unparalleled delight when God moves and healing comes.

But I’ve learned the hard way: don’t go past the empowerment the LORD gives. Paul puts it this way: Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
(2Co 1:3-4 NIV). I can comfort only with the comfort with which I’ve been comforted. If I go beyond that I only jangle.

So much to reflect on.