I’ve been working with some enormously difficult counseling situations this month. Of course I can’t talk about them in a blog! But a common thread among several is that they are places where relationships have failed because of the human condition called sin! Sexual sin, depression, overwhelming fears. The list is long.

The point that makes me pause is how powerful trust is. Sherry and I have it. So when we talk, there’s the climate of trust that makes us begin leaning toward each other, hearing statements in a presumption that she loves me and wants my best. So misunderstandings are easy to clear up because we expect good will.

In other situations, that basic trust isn’t there. So there’s a presumption that something is being hidden, that if the whole story were out, then it would be much worse. Conversational phrases are examined for hidden meanings. Sentences are parsed with suspicion, expecting to find hurtful stuff.

Building relationship when the context becomes one of distrust is a huge challenge. How do you rebuild trust? Total disclosure of course, but what of the expectation that there’s a secret that’s being kept away from sight? Full explanation of course, but that’s hard to do when the explanation is viewed as a cover up. Perhaps take a time out for pain to ease. But that also takes away the positive side of relationship. End anything that promotes the distrust, of course. But sometimes the thing that promotes the distrust is a very good and important thing. Do beneficial things, of course. Give (and give up) precious things for the sake of the relationship and let that be seen.

What a conundrum.

God is doing similar things trying to rebuild our trust in Him. And we still suspect Him.

Switching topics: David, Samantha, Nicole and Joy were here this weekend in their moving trek. David and Joy are at Tadmor, their dream coming true! Sam and Nicole will go down today after Nicole’s dance convention. Seeing David’s dream happen is wonderful.

Elizabeth Anne is doing well. They hope to end oxygen support in the next couple of weeks. Susan is back at work and Donn is working from home for a month or so.

Cyndee is all by herself at Cannon Beach now. Sherry and I will go down today to hang with her.

I teach at MissionConneXion Friday and Saturday and then head off to Spokane to teach Perspectives on the World Christian Mission in Post Falls, Tri-Cities and Spokane before coming back on Wednesday morning. Writing on the third book is an uhappy reality in my life!

Any thoughts on building trust?

The assassination of Benazir Bhutto hit me harder than I would have expected. One thing was that I happened to look at Yahoo! news just as it happened, so I watched the story develop. That’s an impact of the “web” side of the internet to get caught up in the stort as its immediacy makes it more dramatic. In the “old days” I wouldn’t have heard until the 5:00 news. Now things are posted for the world to see instantly.

The drama of the shots, explosions, mangled bodies, crying men, people trying to get control of the scene are gripping. One of the best portrayals is the photo essay by John Moore. You can see it here. It makes the destructive impact the event, the contrast of the beauty of Bhutto and the ugliness of the murder, so real.

But a bottom line is the power of  something small and evil to destroy.  Without making commentary on the merits of Bhutto’s politics, her return was the result of years of preparation and a large investment of work with the idea of moving Pakistan to a more stable, more democratic nation. A few cunning people were able to destroy all that work in a brief work of violence.  Their act moved the whole nation to chaos, something that serves only the interests of evil.

I work with people who have been impacted by evil. Most of what I see are products of sustained evil such as cult abuse, spiritual abuse, sustained sin within a family system and such. But I also see the outcome of such acts as the Bhutto assassination where one act destroys years of construction. A visit to a gullible counselor confirms the fears of a spouse and trust in a marriage is blown out. A moment of inattention leads to a crashed automobile and terrible injuries. Words spoken in anger elicit an angry response and a pastor’s ministry is destroyed, a growing church shaken. The examples multiply in this broken world. It’s hard to maintain hope and courage to keep building when the force of chaos ruins years of work in a moment.

But I also get to see the power of life, the soft warm reality of light that overcomes darkness. In the phrasing of the King James, “where sin abounded, grace did much more abound” (Romans 5:20). Occasionally the miracle happens and the change is dramatic. More often it’s quiet, persistence that makes the difference. And there’s a lot of energy required behind the grace. It exhaused Jesus.

Which is more “news worthy” – the slow patient crafting of a beautiful vase or the hammer blow that shatters it? The  extended investment of courtship leading to engagement, marriage and family, or the screaming fury of torture. As for me, I want to have the wise eyes to delight in the process, the courage to add my effort to the building, the courage of Job who after everything was pointlessly destroyed in chapters 1 and 2, went on living in chapter 42.

courage. hope.

Jesus

December 15 is our 40th anniversary . . .  of our first meeting. We like celebrating events and this was a major shaping! I knew Mr. Hartzell had hired my replacement as his bookkeeper. He wanted to ease the transition as I graduated from college and headed off to be a math teacher somewhere. That day I walked into my work area and this cute girl was sitting at my desk. She remembers that I flirted with her. That could well be. I do know I asked her out a week later. Our first “hot date was seeing “Jungle Book” together. And the rest followed very naturally.

We celebrated the 40th in part with me working on my Luke 1 sermon for Grace, with her replacing the alternator in her Geo (really romantic!) and then with us going with Sherry Atkins to Living Hope Church to see their “Word on the Street,” a contemporary telling of the Joseph and Mary story. This was the first of something like 15 services through Friday. At least seven people stood for prayer and then headed off to meet with Pastor Rick and the connection time to work out their commitment to follow Jesus. After supper, we relaxed at home. We nostalgicly remembered celebrating our 30th at Ruth’s Chris Steak House in Taichung, Taiwan with Peter & Debbie Dodd and their newly born Elizabeth.  This time a History Channel retrospective on 1968 reminded us what a cataclysmic year we picked for our wedding.

Ruth Palnick, a 25 year friend who identifies herself as “Chaplain-HymnSinger,” was recently enjoying the hospitality that has characterized our home over the years. As we were taking our breakfast in the kitchen, she wondered, “Where are all the men?” I laughingly spread my arms, “Here I am!” She immediately shot back, “You are so taken!” She’s right. One woman has captured all the romance in my life. Very good thing.

 Oh, Yes. Our Elizabeth continues to do well, though she had a 12 hour re-admission to Children’s Mercy Hospital Wednesday night after an episode of difficulty in breathing. It was only a “normal” congestion. But with her history, they were very careful.

We are still marveling at the wonder of Elizabeth Anne. 48 hours with her was wonderful. We did our best to spoil her with being held in those brief hours. It was strange to see her get her doses of Methdone. That connotes drug addiction rather than helping her end the effects of her morphine sedation so she’d not fight the respirator that saved her life. She’s a pretty calm little girl considering the drama of her entrance into the world. You can see in the left hand picture that she’s already learned the Hawaiian “shaka” sign in attitude as well as in gesture. She thought Susan and Cyndee decision to footprint her an occasion for a big yawn.

Samantha called from Cannon Beach as we left on Sunday night to tell us that high winds had blown out the electric service at the Conference Center from 11:00 to 5:30. The “Called to Be Handicapped” conference was going on with 22 seriously handicapped people in the final session on the second floor of Pacific View Lodge. Problem: No electricity means no elevators. Samantha’s crew were able to take the lunch upstairs but still no electricity. No matter how powered the wheel chair, it won’t go down stairs! So what to do? Well, you call the fire department! Problem solved. But the electricity went off again later in the evening and it’s still off. They don’t expect to have service for a couple of weeks. There has been no telephone and no cell phone service. Land line service came back up tonight (Wednesday), but unless you hav an old rotary dial phone, you can’t use it without electricity. One of the elders at Grace owns a major cell tower construction business. They’ve not been able to get to the beach to do repairs because of highways closed with fallen trees and landslides.  There’s a very dramatic picture of the I-5 closure at Chehalis here.

 The up side is that David, Cyndee and Joy spent an extra night here since there was no way to get to Cannon Beach. If the CBCC Christmas Conference is cancelled, they may head off to their 2 1/2 week trip to theme parks in Southern California a few days early.

I hope your house is dry, and your joy is full as we move into Advent.

We arrived at Elizabeth’s house (well, Donn and Susan’s too) about 4:30 and it was JUST IN TIME. We walked in the door with Donn asking if we could watch Elizabeth while they got lessons in caring for her oxygen equipment. There could be no better greeting! Cyndee got the first turn with me just a bit later with Joy dancing around all the time. Sherry did her grandmother thing too. So I won’t have to go to jail after all! They say there’s an ice storm coming tomorrow, so it’s particularly good that she’s here.

As I write this, Susan and Donn are upstairs doing a feeding and we are enjoying them via the monitor. It’s amazing how intelligent adults change when there’s a new born around. Elizabeth still has oxygen, a monitor that beeps when her heart beat and respiration. But after nearly dying twice and spending a month in the hospital, her cries and even the wails of her monitor are exciting. And you should see what her little smiles do to us!

 Joy did her first airplane ride followed by her first bus ride. She was totally thrilled with every bit of it. With her very own MP3 player, puzzle books and the Southwest Airlines snacks, along with a Daddy, Aunt Cyndee and two Grandparents, how could she have been happier? She’s been dancing around the house since she was refreshed by food. We did Jack’s Stack, the most famous of the Kansas City style B-B-Que places.

May your joy be as full as ours!

It seems a real threat that I’m going to be in jail in just a few days. The charge, you ask? Kidnapping, of course. The latest word is that Elizabeth will still be in the hospital until Sunday or Monday. Since David, Cyndee, Joy (5) will join Sherry and me for the weekend there, I have to have her nearby. So I won’t kidnap her far, nor will there be any ransom demands. I just will walk her out the door to Donn’s house, holding her a lot! She’s completely free of lines other than her oxygen assist, eating heartily, but still unable to take and retain enough food by mouth to sustain herself. So she needs some tube feeding, Donn says. But as you can see from the picture, she delights her great aunt. You can also verify that she’s unconnected other than the oxygen and a couple of monitors. And she’s REALLY cute!

I’m super glad technology that I can get e-pictures from Donn and post them on the website for you to enjoy. I think how recently doing pictures involved rolls of film, developing, posting and such. I am on Facebook with many of my friends residing in places like Lebanon or Tunisia. I can exchange pictures, status reports, greetings and information, sharing it with many other friends living all over the world. E-cards enable me to give quick, cute, inspirational greetings with people. It’s amazing how billions of emails, e-pictures, e-cards arrive instantly in destinations all over the world. The down side, of course, is when an e-card doesn’t get there. Usually one doesn’t even know it didn’t arrive unless there’s mention of it in a comment. Then a replacement card is very precious, but doesn’t quite make up for the disappointment that the intended greeting didn’t arrive.

I’m preaching on Luke 1 on December 16. Imagine with me what’s involved in doing that whole chapter in a single 30 minute sermon. Getting a totally overwhelmed screen? So am I! Do I do a big picture sermon? Do I focus in on one element of the story? If so, which one? The familiar annunciation? The prophetic song of Zechariah? Help!!

Happy Advent Season!

We have so much it’s hard to know what to be thankful for. The two feasts, one at home with Sherry, one at Cannon Beach with Cyndee, the visit from David, Sam, Nicole and Joy, continuing improvement for Elizabeth, the party with the elders and staff from Grace Community Church last night with an Italian feast followed by desert, Christmas traditions and carols and much more.

I was really touched by the Living Hope Church service Saturday afternoon. John Bishop is one of “my guys,” an incredible evangelist who preaches with unusual vulnerability, telling us of Michele’s illness: E-Coli in her blood, anemia and such will probably have her in the hospital Monday. He preached from a stage full of trash. The series is “Christmas Clutter: Finding What Really Matters.” The message was seeing Jesus in the middle of all the clutter. The challenge was to write some worry point on a card and dump it in the clutter, take communion, do “cheers” with a class of cider and come pray with a pastor. The highpoint of the day was hearing that a Mommy and her Daughter who’d been coming to the church for a while prayed to accept Jesus. John’s call after the three Saturday services (and four more to come on Sunday plus campuses all over the area) allowed us to share the power of friendship and partnership in Jesus.

Anna, one of my students, will head off to southern Sudan with Kay Bruce and four others to do worskops to equip the church in Lietnohm for dealing with the terrible suffering they face. Her personal project along with the teaching is to involve the students from Portland Christian Schools in providing for a well in Bong, a neighboring village.  The picture is their current water source.  This picture haunts me in the face of the richness of our part of the world. As a boy on the farm in Missouri, I used a bucket to draw water from a well. The water was clean. We soon got a well with a pump and I’ve had running water all my life. I am very thankful for that. But this picture makes me all the more thankful.

I’m in three marriage crises right now. All three are wrenching agonies with pain and hurt everywhere. It moves me to much prayer. As Sherry and I approach 40 years of good marriage, I’m so thankful. These situations make me all the more grateful.

We hung with our long time friends, Joel and Renata Burnell. As we laughed in their home, playing with Daniel (almost 15 now!), Erik (12?) and Amelia (almost 4), it was great to think of the power of friendship. One of my greatest needs is the need for a deep friend with whom I can process without editing, pray without hesitation, be silent as the feelings surpass words, sharing childlike wonder. If that friend were not in contact the sadness would be overwhelming.

Gratitude is a surpassing Christian virtue because of His grace.

You simpy MUST go see Bella I rarely am deeply moved in a film. The last one was The Passion of the Christ. Bella did that for me. It moved me in a life affirming way where grace goes into tragedy and redeems. Little girls are awesome occasions of grace and it’s the scene where the little girl is running freely with the butterfly of hope above her that ties the movie together. I know about that little girl, full of smiles, hope, fear, wonder. She’s one who inspires depth, brings out the best in those around her.

Life. Little girls. Beautiful. After Elizabeth’s double near death experience as she entered this world, it’s all the more wonder-filled. And I’m very glad to say the news is very good. Susan went back into the hospital because of the post-surgical infection but came home Thursday evening. Elizabeth is off her IV antibiotics and respirator with just Oxygen assist for breathing now.

The BIG news is that she had her first meal straight from Mama (Donn’s words), as the pictures show. She still has some tubes and the breathing line, but she’s improving steadily. We just pray she will be home from the hospital by Friday November 30 when Sherry and I arrive along with David, Cyndee and Joy. No little germ factories are allowed in the hospital at all in winter cold/flu season.

I spent Tuesday through Friday in San Diego at the Evangelical Theological Society meetings. An indicator of my involvement is that I didn’t buy a single meal during the conference! A lot of the time is reconnecting with friends and former students. This time I met with people from Crossway about the publication project. I also did work with the executive committee, something I’ve done continuously since my term ended ten years ago. I’m a part of two sub-committees so I joined the committee for an hour of their meeting. The surprise was that when they wanted to appoint someone to fill out the remainder of Frank Beckwith’s term, they asked me. So I’ll go back on the committee for another four years. I think it’s the first time in the 50 year history of the organization that someone has returned. Since we change to study group format and to a full time executive director in this time frame, it’s a crucial time.

Sherry and I are doing Thanksgiving differently this year: She’s working! More amazingly, her shift will begin at 5 am. So our dinner will be on Wednesday evening, putting us in synch with our friends around the world.

The story of Elizabeth won’t settle down. She is going in the right direction. She’s off the CPAP and just getting oxygen enriched air through a nasal breathing tube. She is off all IV medications and only getting some morphine the ease her off the high doses she needed earlier. Donn says she will soon be moved into the “normal” NICU. Very good news!

BUT . . . last Thursday, Donn hit a deer so his car is in the body shop. Way worse, Susan has a serious infection in her C-Section incision so she’s back in the hospital on IV antibiotics. So she’s on as Elizabeth goes off.

Post surgical infections are too common these days as germs are more antibiotic resistant. I wonder if we are moving backward in terms of infectious diseases with “routine” infections becoming serious. The rising number of staph infections that can’t be treated with antibiotics are making news now. “Defeated” diseases like tuberculosis are coming back. STD’s are quite serious risks. Just when we think we have control, it slips away. On the other hand, just a few years ago, Elizabeth would have been one of those “perfect” babies who died at birth. Hard to understand.

I’m at Evangelical Theological Society through Friday. We were in San Diego 18 years ago. We met in a church with about 400 people partipating. Now we meet in a convention center with more than 2500 participating. Then I was just a presenter, doing “The Third Wave: An Outsider’s Assessment” looking at the Vineyard Movement which was sweeping the world. John Wimber, the Vineyard leader, showed up at my paper to my shock, but it was a highlight. I remember it as a relaxing time when I could go for a walk with a close friend who came to the meeting. Now I’m a past president, serving on three sub-committees of the executive committee, meeting with publishers about the soon to be released book, Vintage Jesus, and the subsequent volumes. I’m still doing a paper, this time, Demons and Believers:What Shall We Teach? and co-chairing the Gender Study Group. It is a very busy time!

Changes. Surprises. Loses. Beauty. Friends. Life.

We are back from Cannon Beach. The conference was good, but the highlight was Sherry and Cyndee spending Saturday afternoon shopping for grandgirls. Elizabeth Anne will have no shortage of cute things!

Speaking Elizabeth (and we do a lot of that!), she is not only off the high powered respirator, but also has had her trac tube withdrawn. So she’s on a CPAP machine, akin to the one Sherry uses when she sleeps. There are still lots of IV lines and the CPAP air comes from a nose based system, so she’s wired. Donn says she objected big time to the tubes going down her nose! Coming off the morphine has had some withdrawal stuff but the oxygen is getting closer to normal.

The coolest deal is that Susan got to hold her daughter for the first time. Think she looks happy?

Tomorrow I’ll spend a block of time with Randy Alcorn. He told his prayer supporters that he’s writing his next book on suffering and evil. So I contacted his office and offered to talk things through with him. He jumped at the chance. So we’ll do intense conversation. He’s thinking carefully about things like Elizabeth’s double near death which brought some people closer to the LORD. Did God pre-approve what happened, planning it in order to touch people? Or did His grace work in this situation even though He is not the one who initiated the trauma? This is just a hint of the issues that we’ll work through in this mutually enjoyable time. “Theology come to life” is my motto and it will be very real.