Sherry and I are in Cannon Beach, teaching at a retreat. It’s a group we know well, having done this for about 15 years. The group is small this time: 7 people, so that makes it even better. Between Western large classes and administration, counseling some very challenging situations and life stuff, I’m pushing really hard, so some down time is a happy thing. I de-stress best with a very close friend and that’s not available just now, which doesn’t help. I have exams to grade with me and also a conference call for Evangelical Theological Society (next week’s trip, reminding me of when we were there before, a most happy time with some friends joining in) as well as family things for the afternoon. Grand girls have pull in my life.

We went to dinner to honor Dave & Hollis, celebrating her birthday. Both lost spouses to suicide less than three years ago. I got to perform their wedding 15 months ago. The blending of family is going well, though with some challenges their unique situation brings. Seeing them doing so well is a huge testimony to God’s grace. It was a wonderful celebration.

And how is Elizabeth, you rightly wonder? She’s still a very sick litttle baby, but improving. Donn reports that she was changed from the oscillating respirator to a regular one. The continue to cut the percentage oxygen and brought the nitic oxide from 20 to 9. The morphine drip is stopped, going to “as needed.”

He was laughing loud when he told me that they let him change her diaper for the first time. Up to now he’s only been able to touch her, not oven stroke her, so it’s a huge change. She also had her first meal of breast milk. It was through a feeding tube, but it came from Susan.

We are praising God for His healing in lots of ways.

Sherry’s back from Kansas City, Children’s Mercy Hospital and the recently expanded Breshears family. Her involvement was in lots of different ways. She chased Susan upstairs to rest and did the dish washing herself. She was coach to Donn and Susan when Susan was wrestling with the emotions of a severely ill daugter she’d not held at all and touched only once briefly as she was inside the incubator heading to the other hospital. “Just hold her” and “Tears are good, let them come” sounds trite here, but it was profound in the moment. Her time in the hospital touched deep emotionally. No surprise, I suppose. The noise of the place with ventilator going, forcing breaths a couple of times per second, the lines going into Elizabeth everywhere combined with the beauty of this completely unexpected little grace gift speak to the deepest places, places only those who are the very closest could ever share. I wondered at the picture of Donn and Susan wondering at their daughter, and especially at his wedding ringed hand reaching to her tiny one.

She went on rounds this morning and heard the doctors speaking all sorts of medical speak. It boiled down to continued reduction of anti-anxiety medications, termination of the dopamine, possible change from the high powered respirator to a “normal” one with even that being removed early next week. The contamination in her lungs continues to disperse and her blood gasses are OK even as the percentage of oxygen enrichment is reduced. The flow to her cells is enhanced by transfusions of blood. I’m designating all my donations to her! It’s a very delicate balance to maintain. It’s possible that Elizabeth will be out of the hospital when we get there on November 30.

I was thinking how wonderful it is to have the level of trust Sherry and I enjoy as I was doing some counseling this week. I’m dealing with some marriage situations where trust has been blown by infidelity, addictions and stupidty. Of course it’s not always this sort of thing. Sometimes it’s just misperceptions and misunderstandings that somehow lodge into the thinking structures of ones mind. Seeing the impact of blown trust in terms of ruined relationship is so hard to see. But I’ve seen a couple of them being restored. That gives me hope for restoration, but the work required to do that is so painfully difficult. Probably the hardest is the persistence in honesty, consistency, and working on personal stuff. The pain is deep and the loss is great. It can be pretty discouraging sometimes. People miss each other more than they can say. The prayer required is something friends can join in, especially if their love is deep. Sharing the work of restoration is a privilege of sharing the sufferings of Christ. And the outcome is a gift of grace no less than Elizabeth is.

We head off to Cannon Beach this weekend where I’ll teach at the Salem Community Retreat, something I’ve done for more than a decade. It’s a small group we know well, so it’s a relaxing time for us in a place we love . . . and with a couple of grand girls we love too!

“Little Girl Breshears” is winning hearts as the reality of Elizabeth Anne emerges! Sherry got there Sunday to see our critically ill granddaughter. She is in Children’s Mercy Hospital, a huge specialized complex devoted exclusively to seriously ill children. In it, she is in the Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit. And within that high care area, she is in the extra intensive care area. So she’s in specialized intensive, intensive care. She is improving steadily and the next goal is to go out of the extra intensive area. Her oxygen is down from 100% to 38%. When she gets to 21% she’s at normal air level. All her vital signs are good and her blood gasses are OK. So the possibility of a heart lung bypass is not in her future. She’s still sedated to keep her from fighting the ventilator tube in her mouth.

The prognosis is all good though she has a long way to go. Normal air soon, off the ventilator sometime this weekend, perhaps. Home around Thanksgiving? All subject to change, of course.

She’s beautiful, Sherry says. And I’ve seen pictures to confirm that! Despite the sedation, she cracked her eye for Susan, her mom. She keeps her pinkie out proving that she’s a refined little girl.

Seeing the renewing impact of Elizabeth’s arrival has made me wonder. On one hand, there’s a lot of stress and fatigue, but there’s been no snapping or anger. There’s been a huge amount of prayer in and around Donn’s life. There’s been a extraordinary joy because of how close she came to death. They gave Susan a stress test to see how labor would affect thngs. That’s when they discovered how drastically Elizabeth’s heart rate was affected. Had Susan gone into regular labor, Elizabeth would not have survived. Thus the very quick move to a C-Section. And then the meconium aspiration that almost overwhelmed her again. She’s twice been near death, and still could be. But she’s so alive. So beautiful. The risks of life are incredible. And life so wonderful. It’s a deep experience to be shared with all the emotions and prayers, especially with those closest to me.

Sherry gets home this afternoon so I’ll put a couple of pictures here. If you want to email me at [email protected] or leave a comment, I’ll send a link to a bunch of pictures.

Life. Little girl. Elizabeth Anne. Family. Friends of the soul. Jesus.

Beautiful.

Donn reports: Baby Girl is now Elizabeth Anne Breshears!

She is doing much better this morning.  They are begining to wean her off of 100% oxygen today and are farther from more extreme measures to treat her.  She is still a very sick baby, but things are looking up.  Please continue to pray for us!

I’m here between two excited grandgirls. They are lunching before we head off to Disney’s Princess on Ice. It’s still a surprise for them, but reality will hit soon. And happily!

I sent of the my final work on Death by Love to Crystal for her final edit. It feels good to have done but bad that my delay made us late. On the other hand, I really like the outcome. It mixes good stories with good theology in a pastorally realistic way. I’m eager to see what happens from here.

Off to the Princess show with two princesses!

I just talked to Susan. She is doing quite well, wrestling with normal stuff after a C-Section.” Her sister and her husband, Katie and John, are there and her Mom will arrive from Portland early this evening. She hopes to be released from the hospital on Sunday other than during the Chiefs- Packer which Donn and John want to see together.

Donn is at Children’s Mercy Hospital with “Little Girl Breshears” and out of contact. Susan says he’s feeling the responsibility of being a father deeply. I know that feeling. The connection between us has been very strong. Sherry is also doing the Mom thing, heading back on Sunday after doing Princess on Ice with Nicole and Joy and me.

“Little Girl Breshears” does not have good blood gas numbers, so they are pushing pretty hard. She was on 100% oxygen under a hood and that wasn’t enough. Now she intubated and doing Nitrous Oxide from an oscillating respirator, so she’s breathing very quickly. She’ll be on the resprator for a week or so. If her blood gasses don’t improve, the next step would be a heart lung bypass. That’s a scary thought, needless to say, but I’m really glad it’s available if they need it.

Little girls do majorly good things for me. There’s a protective, providing piece that comes out, but it’s more than that. Children play and pray together. The connection between the little boy and the little girl simply doesn’t end. Never. Sadness can hit in, longing pangs hurt, but they can’t even touch the connection which waits. Praying for “Little Girl Breshears” is happening. Praying and playing with her will happen and that will bring smiles. Waiting for the children to be together seems endless. So I wait on the LORD. and pray hope.

We got a call from Donn. Our tiny little grandgirl (still unnamed) is being transported to Children’s Mercy hospital in Kansas City. They think she may have Meconium aspiration syndrome (see the Wikipedia article). Meconium is normally stored in the infant’s intestines until after birth, but sometimes (often in response to fetal distress) it is expelled into the amniotic fluid prior to birth, or during labor. If the baby then inhales the contaminated fluid, respiratory problems may occur. It brought back memories of the Dodd’s girls who had similar symptoms. We have experience in sharing the stressful experience. Sherry will head back to Kansas City on Sunday. It’s a mother thing!

Yep. After only two weeks notice, Donn and Susan are parents of a little girl. Well, not that little: 7 pounds 9 ounces, 19 1/4 inches long, born at 4:42 pm Kansas City (Central) time. They went in for a routine sonogram. The doctor decided induce time was at hand. But as the contractions began, the baby’s heart rate dropped a bunch. So the made the decision to go C-section. 30 minutes later she was out and off to special care to assist her breathing. She’s doing well but will be in the hospital for a few days. Susan was bummed that she didn’t get to have time with her baby. That will happen soon, of course.

Donn called me just after he got the word that the C-Section was going to happen. They were prepping Susan and asked him to step out for a bit. The phone call was one of the outstanding times for a father and a son. Those sorts of moments are literally once in a lifetime things. Our emotions were intense and then when I prayed in response to his request, they really went over the top. There may be other times as intense and vulnerable, but sharing the moment of a firstborn in real time can only happen once. It’s something to share only with the closest friend, of course.

David (brother) and Cyndee (sister) and Joy (our 5 year old granddaughter) will join Sherry and me going to Kansas City on Friday, Nov. 30, returning Sunday evening. That will be a very special family time as we share time with our as yet unnamed granddaughter. David will join Donn at the football game, a first for them.

I’m pressing really hard, even for me. I just got the penultimate draft of Death by Love, the second the books with Mark Driscoll, for my review. I need to read the 200 pages or so, do any revisions and get it back to Crystal tomorrow. I have 46 theology exams and doctrinal statements plus meditations to do since my grad fellow had to go get a real job. I have three encyclopedia articles to write, the normal daily stuff and then class from 6 to 9. Sherry will head off to the coast, spend the night before she brings Nicole and Joy back Saturday. I’m in class from 8 to 1:30 and then down to the Rose Garden with them for Disney’s Princess on Ice. We’ll spend the evening with the girls. Then I preach twice on Sunday before we take the girls back to the beach.

And there’s picture of a new grandgirl to enjoy and post here!

What is the deal with anger? It’s one of those questions ruminating in the back of my head that’s come to the front lately. So I’ll put some reflections here and see what responses come up.

Anger is a secondary emotion rather than a basic emotion in people. It is a natural and mostly automatic response to pain of one form or another. Personal attack, physical, emotional or spiritual, whether current or anticipated, actual or perceived, creates pain and the anger response. We get angry when we think we have been injured, or mistreated, when our expectations are not met, when we are opposed in our deep values, or when we are faced with obstacles that keep us from attaining personal goals.

This is also true in God. For example God is basically compassionate, gracious, loving, holy, and so on as we see in such passages as Exodus 34:6-7, the most quoted verse in the Bible by the Bible. According to that passage, He is “slow to anger.” Wrath is not a base characteristic of His, but a response of His justice and love to the pain of sin, as we see in Exodus 32 for example.

Thoughts that can trigger anger include personal assessments, assumptions, evaluations, or interpretations of situations that makes people think that someone else is attempting (consciously or not) to hurt them. In this sense, anger is a social emotion; You always have a target that your anger is directed against (even if that target is yourself). Feelings of pain, combined with anger-triggering thoughts motivate you to take action, face threats and defend yourself by striking out against the target you think is causing you pain.

Our perceptions may assess the situation more or less threatening than it really is. People miss the very real danger of enticements to indulge sin and don’t get angry at the threat to life and godliness. Other times fear or past experience lead to mis-interpretations of danger in situations. Anger can become a normal state as people are real or perceived pain.

There are many levels of anger: We can be raging, angry, upset, irritated, peeved, annoyed, bothered. I find that men in particular reject the assessment that they are angry. Wise wives don’t charge their husbands with being angry. That makes them bad and the assessment actually leads to anger! So softer words like “upset” work better.

One must be angry sometimes. I have often said that I can’t trust people who don’t get angry at sin and evil, since that make God angry. Anger is a signal that something is wrong. It captures your attention and motivates you to take action to correct that wrong thing.

Aristotle got it right: “Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not easy.”

Let’s me put some thoughts into a parable (Jesus did it, so I’ll give it a try). There are three friends, Andy, Bill and Colin (I pick the names simply because of the ABC). Andy perceives that the friends are colluding against him. The pain of the collusion is exacerbated by Andy’s sense of betrayal. But Bill is Andy’s brother and it’s not safe to be angry at him. Andy can turn the anger back on himself, adopting the interpretation that it’s his garbage that’s the problem. That inward directed anger will lead to depression, sometimes severe. Unfortunately, the anger still leaks out on Bill, his children or his other friends. He may become an angry person under a veneer of nice, who can’t do intimacy with anyone. That’s really bad.

A better route is for his anger to by pass Bill and go toward Colin who is more removed. This gives it outlet which relieves Andy’s depression and chronic anger. If Bill and Colin stop being friends, the perceived collusion may diminish in Andy’s mind. The pain reduction can allow Andy’s anger to ease, especially if Bill is aware of what’s happening in Andy and works to build the relationship with Andy. If Colin also understands, he can express repentance, accept the anger, keep his distance, knowing the anger is partially deserved. Though he’s helpless to do anything to restore relationship with Andy or between Andy and Bill, he can pray and work on his own stuff. Hopefully as pain reduces, the three can come to a place where in a context of confession and repentance for sin forgiveness and restoration can happen. But it takes time and intentionality. In the meantime, the loss of friendship is extremely painful. The energy of the pain can energize all three to be more redemptive in their ministry. Prayer and underlying love of friendship can keep the admittedly faint hope of restoration alive.

The articles at mental help were quite helpful to me.

 Sherry and I are at Seaside where I’m speaking at the North American Baptist Convention and visiting with Nicole and Joy . . . yes, David, Sam and Cyndee too. Cyndee, David, and Joy will join Sherry and me in the Nov. 30 trip to Kansas City to see Michael/Elizabeth. Susan is doing will with her lately discovered pregnancy (see “huge surprise” below). Delivery will happen by November 3. I preach again at Grace next week on the Babylon and the first beast. Suggestions?

Isaiah 40:31 is one of everyone’s favorite verses:

“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

I’ve heard so many explanations and applications of it. Mostly they are along this line: if you serve the LORD well, then you’ll have unlimited spiritual energy. So pray hard, spend time in meditation on God’s Word, “abide,” or whatever and then the Spirit will make you victorious. You’ll not be weary in well doing, not fainting when the pressure is crushing, not depressed when relationships fail, not alone when friends break off their support.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. Part of this is my new favorite musician: Jeff Johnson an outstanding Celtic style song writer/performer. There’s a mix of sadness, and hopeful determination in his music that touches deeply in me. His “Wait on the LORD” on the album Vespers: light unto LIGHT is a hauntingly simple rendition of the song.

 As I reflect on the verse, I realize that the original context is the nation of Israel headed off into captivity because of their sin. The chapter begins with “comfort ye my people” promising the coming of Messiah as well as restoration. It ends with “wait on the LORD.” The point is that while you are in the place of hardness, like Bablylon, the thing to do is wait for the day of the LORD’s coming. Wait with feeling and proclamation of the greatness of the LORD. Wait hopefully, knowing that He is still LORD. Wait actively doing the worshipful activities in the congregation and in the world. Wait sadly, feeling the loss, often tearfully, with sadness bring life to a stop at times. Wait until He moves, for in that day renewal will happen. Wait trustingly but waitingly for all my activism, there is nothing I can do for renewing the lost. Wait, doing good where ever I can, mediating His grace in other seemingly hopeless situations. In fact I’ve seen three absolutely miraculous renewal of relations in the recent past. I know it can happen, so I wait. Persistenting in hope, prayer, faith an love.

Perhaps the most thrilling example of waiting is the news that Susan is pregnant (see previous post). We didn’t even know we were waiting. Sherry and I are still reeling with super happiness. Of course our plans have changed and we’ll head back for a quick visit to Kansas City on November 30, to hold a little tyke.

This past week, I preached “dragon wars” on Revelation 12 (today), turned in the final stuff on the second book, Death by Love,  found out I’m part of the presidential search team for Western, worked through many paper drafts for my students, and enjoyed being married a lot. Next week, it will be grading exams, and heading to Seaside to speak at the North American Baptist annual meetings. I’ll get to enjoy time with Dee Duke as the first speaker and get down to Cannon Beach to play with Nicole and Joy (I know that surprises everyone!)

Late addition:  Jeff will be at Village on December 9 for a Celtic Christmas Vespers concert. Mark your calendar!

I spent the weekend in Kansas City, with Donn and Susan. The “reason” is the father-son football excursion. It’s become an annual event we both enjoy. Susan and I have a great time too. This time the event was colored a bit by the death of her great aunt and their trip to Iowa for her funeral. I took the time to visit my cousin, Steven, and his wife Betty and my uncle, Truman, and his wife Bernice. Steven and I were almost like brothers, growing up on adjoining farms in Missouri. Susan was having some physical difficulties, exhaustion, swelling, some pain and such. She was set for a series of medical exams on Monday and Tuesday.

So when I saw Donn’s name when my cell phone rang this afternoon, I interrupted my appointment to take the call. I heard him say, “We’re pregnant.”

 Since they’d been told pregnancy was virtually impossible, and they’d given up hope of children several years ago, this was amazing news. “Great,” I responded brilliantly as my mind tried to grasp this news.

Donn went on: “She’s 37 weeks pregnant. We need your prayers.”

My head refused to process the proposition. But it’s turned out to be so. She simply was unaware of her condition. I’ve heard of such things, but now it was my own daughter in law, whom I’d just seen. Thousands of questions gave way to shocked surprise gave way to happy astonishment.

Tonight we had family processing with Sherry, David and Cyndee and me. Susan is in the maternity ward. Donn went home, having seen the couch in the room. It’s possible we’ll have a new grandchild in the next couple of days or in the next couple of weeks.

Huge surprise doesn’t begin to express our emotions. God’s new gift to us has left us breathless.