We didn’t go to Beirut last Friday. The airport closure made that impossible as you see in the previous post. So we were checking on a revised date, leaving this Sunday, perhaps. But I managed to contract some creepy awful. I spiked a 102.5 fever Sunday night, shivering harder than I’ve even shivered. That includes the time that I got hypothermia during an hour long motorcycle ride from Biola to Pasadena in 35 degree rain.  The fever was over 100 Monday, closer to normal Monday evening, but I had no energy and my head was spinning all the time. Tuesday morning I discovered some swelling and a major rash on my lower right leg. My leg was way painful, and walking was nearly impossible. So Sherry, with quite a bit of concern, took me to Kaiser to see what was happening. The doctor was impressed and the nurse more so. He said it’s a major skin infection, cellulitis. He put me on dicloxacillin, an oral antibiotic. If it doesn’t improve, he said it could be hospitalization and IV antibiotics.

So the Beirut trip had to be canceled. That’s really sad but that’s wisdom. Being there unable to do any teaching and no clarity on medical insurance coverage, would not be good. As of right now, there is no change in the infection. My temperature has been normal since yesterday evening, which is good.  So it’s back to the doctor today at noon to find out about my immediate future. Who knows when I will be home!

One question is what is God’s role in this. Perhaps He protected me from being this ill in Beirut. Being sick at home is always a better way. I have to admit that it’s impossible for me to believe He would initiate the whole Hezbollah uprising for my sake. That He would work good in the middle of an evil situation makes sense biblically. He can and does work in very complex situations.

Or maybe the cellulitis is punishment for my lack of faith to go where He’d called me to go. He worked so that the airport was open before my scheduled arrival. But I didn’t trust Him, so He sent a punishing infection so I’d learn to trust.

The first explanation is the protective Father scenario; the second the punishing Dad scenario. The facts are the same, but the explanations totally different. Which is correct? It will be your basic picture of God. Do you approach Him in a climate of trust or not?

I’m working with some situations where trust is the real issue. Where there is a lack of trust, every statement is exegeted for betrayal, with every ambiguity taken negatively. In a trust climate even a discrepant statement is taken to be a mistake or misunderstanding. Explanations are requested, given, and received. In a non trust climate, mistakes are taken as intentional. Apologies are taken as manipulative or cover ups.

When trust breaks down, be it with God or human, it’s impossible to deal with issues. It’s the trust that must be handled. How to restore that? I honestly don’t know. I’ve seen it happen, but only when the trust issue is addressed openly, sin on the part of all humans is confessed, the pain around it talked and prayed about, and God’s Spirit empowered reconciliation is pursued on both sides. It’s where Isaiah 40:31 comes in: Wait actively for the LORD’s moment.

I am in many trusting relationships, some very deep. Sherry and I have it. It’s a huge gift, one to be protected with truth, even when the truth may be initially quite painful. Not doing truth only betrays and kills trust. It’s a gift to invest in.

The Beirut trip isn’t going to happen, at least not this week. The airport is still closed. Hezbollah has promised to remove the blockade on the airport road and "normalize" the country when the government reverses its decisions (1) to declare the Hezbollah private phone network illegal and (2) to reassign the director of security at the airport. He apparently is Hezbollah connected. The decisions were power shots against Hezbollah and an attempt to end the "civil disobedience" actions of Hezbollah that have paralyzed the government. Well, the government has reversed the decisions, mostly, but Hezbollah has not removed the road block. Who knows when or if it will happen.

The good news is that when I called Lufthansa, they offered a full refund of the airfare as their first option. The Seminary in Beirut cancelled the class as starting Monday, May 19. It’s still an outside possibility that it could go as of May 26. But that would mean finding seats on flights that will be filled with Lebanese who could not get home as well as visitors who want to do their vacations. Ellie Haddad, the provost at the seminary in Beirut, was out of the country when this all happened. He will go to the Toronto airport today and depart for Beirut or Damascus (for a long, potentially dangerous car trip to Beirut), or Frankfurt (for a conference he’s supposed to be at next week). I don’t have that kind of flexibility!

A good side of us not going (as I’m assuming at this point), is that we will be here when Donn, Susan, and Elizabeth come for their Memorial Day visit. David, Sam, Nicole and Joy will be in our home whether we are here or not. The idea of playing with grandgirls in the early morning hours is a strong draw to be here!

I have been without our Previa for a long time. The cylinder head cracked so the engine is toast. The mechanic found a low mileage engine for a reasonable price, so it is getting a complete change. It is expensive, but cheaper and much less hassle than getting a new vehicle. It has both excellent memories and a good future.

The time Sherry and I are not in Beirut will have some time for us as well as time dedicated to writing. I will finish the last bits of book three and begin doing the questions for book four. It will be good to get ahead of deadlines for a change!

We have no idea if we are going or not. This is the road to the airport as of this morning. It continues to be blocked by Hezbollah as an expression of their power along with the demand for more. The political situation is far too complex for any Westerner to figure out, though I read a lot! One interesting source is the British reporter living in West Beirut. He’s not a fan of American policy, but has a lot of insight into the life. Read him here at http://www.independent.co.uk/news/fisk/

Today’s New York Times has two articles that give a perspective on the very conservative side is Islam. One is "Love’s Rules Vex and Entrance Young Saudis," a portrait of romance in Saudi Arabia. It’s here and tells of young men marrying women they’ve never seen prior to the wedding along with their commitment to protect their women. It shows well the strengths and challenges of the society.

The other is a reminder that under strict Islamic law, Barack Obama is Muslim because his father is Muslim. It’s here. His mother’s Christian background is irrelevant. His own decision to become Christian and live his particular version of Christianity only makes him an apostate Muslim. His conversion with its connotations of rebellion and treason against Islam is the worst of all crimes that a Muslim can commit, worse than murder. Under this strict Islamic law, the sort promoted by Hezbollah, he should be executed. That same strict interpretation prohibits punishment for any Muslim who kills any apostate, and effectively prohibits interference with such a killing. If he were to become president, it could complicate relations with conservative Muslims as they become aware of his conversion.

One point of significance of Lebanon continuing to be a multi-religion democracy is that it is the only Arabic speaking country were a Muslim background believer can study in a Christian school. Christians have a lot of freedom to practice their religion in many Muslim nations, but open conversion is not one of those freedoms. In more strict areas, it risks ostracism and in some cases death. One well known example was in Iran in 1994. Pope John Paul II and others won a Christian convert a last-minute reprieve, but the man was abducted and killed shortly after his release. This is extreme, but a real risk in these areas.

There are as many varieties of Islam as Christianity, ranging from very liberal, to quite secular, to very mystical, to fundamentalist. It’s no more fair to judge one group by what another does than to judge all Christians by the practices of fundamenalists who refuse to take their sick children to physicians. But Hezbollah is a conservative movement. Their victory in Lebanon would make major changes in the freedoms Christians have observed for centuries in this beautiful place.

The pictures of the fighting in Beirut is a very scary thing for us since we are scheduled to depart for that fair city in a week. I missed the war by two weeks when I was there two years ago. Hizbollah’s rise to power, based on their ability to stand up to Israel, is the basis for the year long stand off in selecting a new president. The political situation has been a powder keg for months. It only takes a spark . . . Now it’s here.

So we have a week to see what happens. If the airport remains cut off, then we won’t be able to go, I assume. I can’t imagine trying to walk this road as many are doing these two days. If the situation eases  and the fighters go home, then the decision will be very tough. Will we be able to trust that they will stay at home for the two weeks we are there? We are probably safe at the seminary itself, but airport is in the area where the fighting is. Getting trapped by fighting is not a good picture. So lots of prayers!

I was speaking at the Campus Crusade staff retreat at Sun River Sunday through Wednesday. It was a lot of fun to meet new friends who are committed to spreading the news of the Jesus they enjoy immensely. I not only spoke the three times, but spent a lot of time talking with folk. And I did some writing on the Vintage Church book. That’s book #3. Book #4 is being preached right now. 

The brochure for Sun River has a most intriguing picture, as you can see. The little boy mesmerized by the butterfly is just too cool. A friend returned a couple of pictures of me as a four year old in Missouri. I could easily imagine that little boy doing exactly this, totally entranced in the wonder.  Beauty is something that has always captured me. The little boy would immediately want to find the little girl so they could share the beauty. If she weren’t available, he’d be sad, but never try to make anything happen. The exquisiteness of the butterfly is still a picture of the power of God, a power that connects souls.

That same God of Shalom is the one to whom I trust an uncertain future even when I don’t really understand Him or the situation.

My 28th Western commencement was great . . . again. Friday began in Anchorage with a 12:40 am flight toward Portland. I’d asked some very righteous people to pray that I could get a whole row of seats so I could get some sleep. I heard the terminal clerk tell another passenger requesting a seat change that there were only center seats left. Sigh! I went to 29A toward the back of the aircraft and watched the long line of passengers coming and seats filling, quite a few with all three seats occupied. No one joined me. Then they stopped coming. Righteous friends later denied responsibility, but I celebrated their character by curling up for two and a half hours of sleep. Not at all adequate for the day, but way better than none.

My appointments included Lebanese lunch with Bill and Robin Mounce. He was the commencement speaker. We spent two hours in intense discussion of living in a world where the devil is still quite active. He went to teach his Greek class and I went to meet with Mark and Grace Driscoll before the graduation banquet. We talked on the phone, agreeing on the meeting time at the hotel after the rehearsal for Saturday’s graduation. When I got there, the desk clerk told me they were still stuck in traffic. So I spent the next hour and a half with Mark’s parents while they looked at tail lights. My talk time with Mark was quite abbreviated!

There were six outstanding student testimonies at the banquet. The first four speakers were ones I’d done or am doing pre-marital work with. The other two were Mark and Paul Jackson, both of whom made jokes at my expense! All very fun.

Bill’s commencement sermon had a different opening: He spoke tearfully of his son’s bicycle accident back in Spokane a couple of hours earlier resulting in two broken wrists, that on top of three other broken bones in the last year and a half, and then prayed his hatred for the devil who attacks children along with his love for his son. It gave great power to his gripping exposition on the dual figure of the gate and the path. We enter the narrow gate (conversion, justification, regeneration, adoption, etc.) and then continue on the path. He took us to Romans 8:17-18:

Now if we are children, then we are heirs– heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

and Philippians 1:29

For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake,

He warned the graduates of the dangers of well meaning evangelists such as children’s workers who tie believing in Jesus as something to do so they can get snacks with assurance that this “decision” means they are certainly going to heaven. There is no entry into the gate and certainly no joining Jesus on the path.

Following the conferring of degrees, Bert Downs added punch to Bill’s sermon as he charged us powerfully to guard our hearts.

They were very meaningful words to me, since guarding my heart is a deep passion for me. That doesn’t keep me from hurting others, but it does mean a lifelong commitment to purity to Sherry and to Jesus as a basis for other relationships and ministry. I’m very glad for others SF who help me in guarding my heart.

I preached at Grace today on Luke 11:33-12:3, asking about religion vs. grace, ending with “what will I do with the darkness in me?” What will I do when I see blackness in another? When they tell me of my darkness? Very provocative for me. You can hear it on line in a day or two at gracecc.net. I’d love to hear your comments.

I’m busy working on Vintage Church, the third book in the series with Mark Driscoll. As I looked at Amazon, I found the cover from the second book, Death by Love. The difference between them is dramatic. The current suggestion for Vintage Church follows the themes set out by Vintage Jesus, the first book. The cover will have a bunch of church kitsch, flannel graph, bad pot-luck Jello fruit salad, satin "Praise" banner, WWJD bracelet, reader board, etc., covered by a brown plasticized cover. Buy Death by Love will be in black and while with red for blood in each picture. The drawings are stark, both the cover and the internal drawings which picture each story addressed by the pastoral letters based on atonement themes. They are very powerful.

As I’ve been writing, I’ve been thinking a lot about what is gospel, what is the church, whether it can legitimate expression to be multi-site with sermons by video, what part sacraments play in the life of the church. All this comes in the context of thinking what we want to do to Grace to reach to unchurched people who are interested in spiritual things. There are lots of them, but they aren’t likely to come to Grace where we assume a Christian world view and a basic Bible knowledge. That’s not conducive to reaching out to these folk, though it does make for a strong discipleship church where broken people can find a safe place for healing. So we wonder how we can expand to reach this target group. Is it enough to do multi-format services with different worship formats surrounding a similar sermon as the other services? Or do we need to go to being a multi-congregational church, with completely different services and distinct groups of people working under the single church leadership? Or should we just plant a new church, perhaps meeting in our building, but with separate budgets, leadership and such. There are lots of questions coming out of a basic theology of church.

Wednesday I’ll fly to Anchorage for conversations between a church and a ministry organization to see how they can partner to reach people there more effectively. Being involved in the discussions is good, but flying up for Wednesday evening and Thursday before doing an all night flight back for Friday’s graduation banquet. Will there be any energy in my body??

I do like exploring the Flickr site. One category is what they call interestingness. Somehow they select images from the huge number of pictures posted on their site. This one grabbed me. The wistfulness of the little girl who is looking for something draws me in. The delicacy of her features reflect her soul. Will she find what she’s looking for? Where is Jesus? I suspect there’s a little boy somewhere whose sadness cannot be eased. Who can not be drawn to help?

I saw snow flakes in the air at 10:30 this morning. They are predicting more tomorrow morning down on the valley floor. For sure global warming is on vacation somewhere.

Sunday’s sermon is on Luke 11:33-12:3. What if the light in you is darkness? Can religion save?

I spent the first part of this week at a beautiful retreat center near the entrance of Sequoia National Park. It overlooks the valley on one side and the mountains on the other. There is a babbling river, a big rock perfect for lizards (and a kitty who was also intrigued!) You can see more here. 

The North American Baptist pastors from all over California came together for spiritual retreat where they were in the oversight of Alta Peak. We talked a lot about the true spirituality as opposed to the pantheistic spirituality of Oprah and Star Wars on one side and the mechanistic, scientific deism of many Americans on the other. He is the creator God, the Intelligent Designer who created a world that runs under scientific and moral laws. Those who pay attention to the rule book will succeed. Those who don’t will be in trouble.

The frustrating thing to me is that many evangelicals are pretty deistic. God and heave are way out there somewhere. In the Christian version there are occasional miracles, the biggest one being Jesus. We were headed for hell because of sin. But Jesus died so that if we believe in Him, we’ll go to heaven when we die.

Of course that’s true, but the gospel is a lot more than that. Jesus is God with us, who died but also rose again to new life. He was exalted to the right hand of the Father and the dark powers are defeated. Those who repent (change their mind about who is God and what is important) and believe (trust that what God says is true) get forgiveness of sins (justification, imputed righteousness at conversion by grace alone through faith alone) and also new life of the Spirit (regeneration, imparted righteousness at conversion by grace alone through faith alone). Living from the new heart, people can act with joy in living out the life in them. Lots more to say. What do you think?

When I returned, Sherry picked me up at the airport in our faithful Previa and brought me home after an 11 hour journey home. This morning when I went to start the Previa to go to Westnomah, it didn’t. Dick Anderson checked it and found the leaking head gasket! Same problem as the Geo!! But we’ll not sell the Previa. It has a lot of miles left and very special memories of the children. So we’ll get it repaired.

But I’ll wonder if it is deja vu!

The 40th Anniversary Adventure is history. Very good history. I told Sherry she was being kidnapped, but no more. As the day got closer, I heard her making commitments she wasn’t going to be able to keep. It never occurred to her I’d contacted Jonas, her boss, was delighted to join the conspiracy and give her extra days off. So I asked her if she’d prefer being liberated on Tuesday or Wednesday. Reality dawned slowly, but her quick Wednesday reply meant she had to make some changes in her schedule.

But then she wanted to know warm or cold, air or car, so she’d know how to pack. That led to total ignorance on my part. I felt knowing how long was excessive information already. On Wednesday morning I told her to bring her wet suite for sea kayaking. Thursday evening I happened to mention that we weren’t on a schedule. My murder mystery solving wife missed the significance of both clues!

Friday evening found us headed down highway 18 to Inn at Arch Rock, in Depoe Bay. It’s a place I’ve always wanted to stay. The pictures show you why! That’s our room, lower floor, far right. The curtains were never closed so the view was always there. Saturday was shirt sleeve warm, Sunday stormy, Monday very nice, and Tuesday mixed. And Wednesday we got snow!

We did our anniversary dinner at Kernville Steakhouse. They gave us the best table in the house, great food, and an exquisite dessert as a gift of the house. The sight of the river otter was a delightful addition. Two visits to the Oregon Coast Aquarium, a trip south for a hike down in Seal Rock State Park gave appetite for supper at Chowder Bowl restaurant.

Our final evening was spent at Tidal Raves, which we could see from the door of our room. We did walk around rather than over the bay! We took several walks into town to visit favorite places like Fuddy Duddy Fudge Shop, which is for sale. For a mere $800,000 we could own the two bedroom ocean view apartment above the two retail shops.

The coast is so full of memories. Our family has camped in the rain, played in the surf, seen Sherry develop the ability to draw great views of grey whales by getting violently sea sick. We met Cyndee there. Driving along the coast I saw so many SF spots, with powerful memories of exploration and prayer. All this culminating in a completely relaxing, renewing fortieth. My pretty wife gets the St. Sherry award for loving me so wisely and so well over this time. What a joy to celebrate her.

Tomorrow is our 40th anniversary and tonight we head off on our adventure. I am doing it in surprise mode. All Sherry knew up to a few days ago was that we were going. She didn’t know I’d arranged vacation with her boss. But as her job is getting quite stressful as the company goes through some major growth, she was making some commitments that I knew she couldn’t keep. So I did give her some hints that let her figure out when we were getting back. She still doesn’t know where, what though she has a good idea of the why (at least I hope so!) It’s great fun playing with my pretty wife!

Nicole and Joy came with Samantha to see Sherry and Cyndee after Cyndee got back from spending two weeks with Elizabeth, Donn and Susan in Kansas City. She had a super time in family as well as being in a place in her work where she could actually take almost three weeks off. Her previous 24/7 stress has eased with a reorg at the Conference Center.

I’ve been doing a D.Min. class which is an all day every day thing. It’s great to be with the guys, but really tiring to go so hard. So the time on the adventure will be a much needed rest time as well as a great celebration.

I’d suggest that you have a look at this video on resurrection weekend. It combines one of my all time favorite Twila songs, "How Beautiful" with scenes from The Passion of the Christ. Combining the incredible scene where Jesus lifts Mary Magdalene from the dirt and Twila’s "How beautiful the tender eyes, that chose to forgive, and never despise" brought a huge emotion rush from me. It’s an exquisite picture.

You can see it here

Blessed Resurrection Day

Michael Card was at Western this week, teaching in the worship class. Since he’s my favorite musical expositor ever, I was excited. When I got to campus, Melissa told me Michael was looking for me. I quickly autographed a copy of Vintage Jesus and headed for the classroom. As we greeted each other happily, he received my gift as a most precious thing which awed me. He said he was going to give me A Sacred Sorrow and the companion volume, The Hidden Face of God. You can find them here on his web site. I laughed and assured him I already had them. He’d have to receive my gift as grace.

He provoked us mightily, of course, by asking questions like "How is God well worshipped?" and suggesting it’s when we bring our realest self to him. Trying to try to hide something from an omniscient God is simply the highest level of dumb!!

"What is the problem that concerns the book of Job?" It’s not suffering, of course. Neither does it give a theodicy. Why is it that sharing happiness in a gift can cause so much grief, anger, pain? God refuses to answer any questions. The problem, of course, is God Himself.

God defines himself as Hesed (Translated lovingkindness, faithfulness, mercy, and so on): He is the Person from whom I have a right to expect nothing gives me everything. It’s the only thing that makes covenant work. We keep breaking it and He keeps keeping it. Finally Jesus comes and keeps it fully.

The paradox begins because Job acts according to Torah. Job is so good that he does sacrifices for sins his kids might have done! But God does not. The equation "if I’m good, the God will be good" is the problem.

What we pray for is very seldom what we really need. We need His presence far more than His provision. And that’s what Job gets in the end. The "answer" for the problem of suffering is Psalm 23:4  Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me. It’s what Jesus tells Peter: "Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat."

We’d expect Jesus to say, but I’ll protect you from him, I’ll rescue you and keep you from trouble. What He says is, "but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers." (Luke 22:31-32)

The most important question for life in this broken world is "Is God a God who is moved by our tears?" The book begins with God in heaven. By chapter 38, He’s with Job. He’s not the god of the magic wand, but the God who enters personally into our suffering and works grace.

I got to have lunch with him, to talk about the slave metaphor in Bible, the topic of the book he’s working on. The sadness was that I didn’t get to go to his concert, though Sherry did.

On a more personal note: I’ve done the third weekend of my Interfacing Science and Theology class. It’s been a great time to catch up on Quantum Mechanics from my friend and co-teacher, Merritt Quarum.  Sherry’s at Cannon Beach enjoying Cyndee’s apartment while Cyndee is in Kansas City with Elizabeth. I’m preaching at Harvest Community Church in Hillsboro tomorrow.